Law and Motherhood

Update your rss feed!!

2008-06-20T23:39:00.001-04:00

We have moved to wordpress! You can still get to me at www.lawandmotherhood.com, but you may need to reset your feed! See you there!

Goodbye to Blogger

2008-05-30T16:02:00.000-04:00

Hello to wordpress! If any of you come to read me at lawandmotherhood.blogspot.com, I will no longer be posting here. You can find me at www.lawandmotherhood.com.

See you there!

New Blog Location

2008-05-27T15:17:00.002-04:00

Hello everyone! I have moved my blog over to Wordpress, though I am still mired in the slog that is domain mapping so my URL isn't directing over there just yet.

As soon as my URL points to the right place you will be able to get to me via www.lawandmotherhood.com.

Until then, you are welcome to visit me at http://lawandmotherhood.wordpress.com/

Thanks for your patience! See you soon.

Happy Memorial Day!!

2008-05-26T11:52:00.002-04:00

Thank you to all of you who have sacrificed time, effort, and loved ones in the armed forces. I appreciate all you do at the behest of this country.

New Digs...

2008-05-25T13:12:00.003-04:00

Please excuse my dust and debris... this site is currently under construction. I will return after I have transferred over to Wordpress.

See you soon!

** Updated to add **

Not too soon though, Wordpress imported about 400 comments as posts, so until the holiday is over and support staff is back online, I will be here at Blogger... sans all my links and pretty buttons.

Nostaligia for pain...

2008-05-24T23:24:00.006-04:00

One of the odd side effects of a law degree is that you develop a liking for a certain kind of pain. The stress, expense, and cruelty of three years studying in the Socratic Method becomes comforting to you. You start law school terrified out of your mind only to discover, years later, that you are nostalgic for the unending study hours and heavy workload.

Today we cleaned out the garage and I came across my orientation handbook. Tucked inside was a receipt for my first year books. I still remember going to the bookstore to get those books, expecting to go from row to row grabbing as many used books as I could to reduce my cost. I remember the shock I felt when the clerk steered me to the large stack of pre-packed white moving boxes that contained our books. I remember wondering how I was going to get my box back to the car.

Then I looked down at the total on the receipt, and I remembered paying nearly an 18th of my year's living expense allowance for that box of books.

$708.30.

Sickeningly, I wish I could do it all again.

Riding on the short bus...

2008-05-23T15:40:00.009-04:00

I am a piece of shit.

One who puts her kids at risk for kidnapping by flashing her high earning profession (oh yes, we environmental attorneys are raking in the dough, just ask the creditors from my student loan company) and pictures of her kids on the internet. They are a ransom just waiting to happen.

I am all over the place, and I can't get it together.

At least that is what the new full time reviewer, Queen Mutha, over at Ask and Ye Shall Receive had to say. Really, what does one say to that? "There's no accounting for taste?" My knee jerk reaction was "Well fuck you!" but really, I was the idiot who asked for the opinion of a bunch of reviewers at Iwillfuckingtearyouapart.blogspot.com. That was all me.

Seriously though, having thought about it, there is some truth to what she had to say. I am all over the place, I don't have my shit together. That is just my life. I am trying to create a world in which I can practice law and stay home with my kids. As it turns out, like many SAHM's discovered before me, the kids just take over. I have accepted and settled one case in one year. Luckily for me, I was able to take this time out and spend it with my babies, but there hasn't been much law for me to write about. There has been parenting to write about, and memes to play in, and hardships to discuss, but not much law.

Happily that will change, and as it does, I will be able to express my frustrations with working and parenting, law and motherhood. For now, it's just motherhood.

I do think I need a new template, but I have been having a hard time finding one that has a low learning curve. I just don't have time to spend hours on my template right now. I will keep looking though, for something cleaner, and attempt to balance the stuff I want to point out to people with a clean look.

Some good comes of all things. That review pissed me off. It made me look back over my blog, and the past two years. It made me feel protective of my words, and the feelings I have shared. It turns out, I like myself. I like my blog. As it is.

I don't care if I no one subscribes to it, or if only my mother and few stalwart friends read it. I am going to keep riding the short bus, with a smile.

Haiku Friday

2008-05-23T11:02:00.003-04:00

Baby snuggled close

snoring puffs of hot sweet breath
over my shoulder.

Motherhood rewards
me with delicate moments
spun like spiderwebs.

Catch them when you can
the magic minutes finding
calm between the storms.

Find More Haiku's Here
Find more of my Haiku's Here

fdispj aeipi .... snork

2008-05-22T06:09:00.002-04:00

It's official. My son gets up around 6 in the morning. That seems to be his routine, and therefore, mine. sob

The problem? I am a night person. I can't seem to get myself to bed before midnight. Between my own idiocy and his all night nurse fests, I don't think I sleep more than about four, maybe four and a half hours.

I think I may be doing long term damage to my brain.

I don't want anyone else...

2008-05-21T12:07:00.005-04:00

My husband has been feeling sad lately, as he has his own blanket of grief that falls over him from time to time. I am doing my best to let him grieve in his own way, while still letting him know I am here, I love him, and he is not alone.

So, with that in mind:

Honey, I know you haven't seen Juno, and I know a song from a movie about a pregnant teenager may seem an odd dedication, but I really can't see what anyone can see in anyone else, but you. (This sentence will make more sense in a minute and fifty-nine seconds. Trust me.)

So here it is.

I love you.

Fine line between support and smother...

2008-05-20T14:55:00.007-04:00

I have a confession to make.

I don't really pay much attention to what medical science has determined is the appropriate age range for my kids to be writing thoughtful prose and reading Heidegger, and I honestly don't sweat it when they take months longer to do certain things they I am told they should do, that is, unless your kids have done these things well before mine have.

The thing is, I am pretty sure most parents are aware that each child is different, but are afraid their kid's difference may be a sign there is something wrong. Whenever a bunch of parents get together, we compare our children against each other. I have to wonder why.

For example, my daughter is an amazing and brilliant kid who can sing any song she hears, has a great knack for playing the piano, and will spend hours creating a single piece of art. Why is it when I hear about kids her age or younger reading really well I feel as though she is somehow performing below her expectations?

I am competitive by nature, that's why. I have a hard time letting go of my need to have my kids be better at everything than your kids.

I have to let go of it though, because trying to make my kids better means denying them who they are. There has to be room for our kids to develop a personality. We have to let them become their own little people, with their own little tastes, while at the same time insuring they are healthy and developmentally sound. It's a high wire act, with constant danger of falling off to one side or the other.

My daughter can read, she just prefers to paint, much like I can do math, but prefer to write. There is nothing healthy about me forcing her to sit and read for hours on end, when she would rather be painting, or drawing, or singing. So long as I know she isn't actually having trouble reading, I should be satisfied.

But still, I feel that little niggle of unease whenever your kids walks earlier, or speaks sooner, or eats more table food. I also feel that little HA of triumph when my kids perform before yours.

I try so hard to choke the life out of those feelings, and to embrace what I know is true; I don't want your kids! I am sure they are great, but I want my kids!! I want their quirks and preferences, their accomplishments and failings. I want all of them, just the way they are.

So I am walking the fine line between supporting their development, and smothering their individuality.

I bet I can walk it before you do.

The Highway to Mommy Hell...

2008-05-19T09:46:00.003-04:00

I am driving the bus on the highway to mommy hell. It's the guilt bus! It's a dark cinnamon red, and covered in swirly black flames. The seats are upholstered in matching velvet. There is plenty of room on board, and I bet each mommy out there has taken a seat for a ride every now and then.

Me? I got so used to being on the bus, I volunteered to drive the damn thing.

There are any number of mommy failings that can get me a ticket for a ride on the bus, too much fast food, too much t.v., not enough interactive play with the kids ("No I can't play with you now, Mommy is blogging"). I am guilty of small shame-worthy infractions every day.

However, there is one thing I do, one aspect of my personality, that makes me hop on the bus for the long haul.

I am a yeller. I have a hard time not raising my voice when the buttons have been pushed one time too many.

I know what you're thinking. "C'Mon now Scylla, everyone can yell when their buttons are pushed. This is nothing."

You have never heard me yell.

In my first life I was a theater fiend. I spent from age 9 to age 19 projecting the smallest whisper to the point that it could be heard throughout an auditorium filled with people. My voice is a power that should only be used for good, like "Look out! Car!!" or "The Groom has something he wants to say everyone, please quiet down!" I can raise the roof with the sound of my voice. I am really, really loud.

When I am really angry I can yell loudly enough that I give myself a headache, instantly. I can also yell loudly enough that I terrify my kids, sending them into shocked tears, sending them running from the room.

I don't yell often, because it's horrible to see the looks on their faces, but sometimes the yell slips out. It fights free. It says "Look!! I have been sensible and reasonable and calm and quiet through a day full of argument and not listening and mis-behaving!! I am coming out damnit!" Then it roars forth, from my throat, over their scared faces, into the house, up the stairs, out onto the street. It leaves them forcibly subdued, their tear stained faces turned away from me.

It never feels good after. I don't get results, or better listening. I don't feel any release. I just feel really guilty, and sad that my kids were scared of me. I try really hard not to yell again. I can go weeks without doing so, but then there will be a day when I didn't sleep enough, or Monkey is particularly argumentative, and the loud angry beast will start chomping at the bit. I will inevitably lose the fight for control, and my yelling will land me squarely in the driver's seat of the Red Velvet Express Bus to Mommy Hell.

So, when you come on board the bus for any of your mommy infractions, please be sure to tip your driver.

Put your best face forward

2008-05-18T10:03:00.002-04:00

This week I thought I would work a little with portraits. So here are my loved ones, putting their best faces forward!

Monkey

Otter

Lily

Nama

Aunt Sandi

Lee

Self Portrait

Visit here for more weekly winners.

Visit here for more of my Weekly Winners.

Careening towards "old"

2008-05-17T22:39:00.002-04:00

Does it bother anyone else that Indiana Jones is turning sixty-seven years old this July?

67 people!!!!

The sexy leather jacket wearing whip-toting adventurer I lusted over as a young woman is about to be 70 years old. This means that Han Solo is also nearing 70. The smart-ass Star Wars hottie is slightly more than a decade away from the PC term "octogenarian".
Granted, he is a supremely good example of nigh-seventy. He obviously takes good care of himself. However, he can't turn back the clock, and neither can I. Time is marching on, and it is marching right across my reality!!!

This week I feel old. My hero's are old, my peers are adults, my children are getting tall and stubborn, and the hot new actors are young enough to make me a bad person for thinking they are hot. My face is starting to keep it's expressions, long after I am finished expressing.

I am no longer cool!! There are subcultures forming that I have no understanding of! I was in the damn Goth scene! I got it! I had the clothes, the music, the cool hangouts and the seriously Goth friends. I got the invitations to the subversive parties, I wore the make-up, the corsets, the insane seven inch heel thigh high fuck me boots!! I was part of the underground scene.

Now? I am a housewife wondering what the hell "Emo" is!!! It's a thing I don't get! My daughter will soon tell me I don't understand, and she will be RIGHT!!!

There are things in life that I will accept with grace.

This whole aging thing ain't one of 'em. Fuck aging, where's my damn NIN hoodie?

Haiku Friday

2008-05-16T08:51:00.004-04:00

Travel with children,
The crying, boredom and tears,
requires tequila.

We left with four hours
plenty of time to get to
the flight to Cali.

Monkey complained of
a painful crick in her neck
crying the whole ride.

We got stuck halfway
twixt Jersey and vacation
I hate construction.

Two hours 'til take off
We can make it, no worries
"Mom? I don't feel good."

An hour thirty-ish
Still on the bridge not moving
bag under her mouth.

Calling airline fast
can they fly us out later
We aren't even close.

Horking in the back
as my daughter adds her own
spice to the journey.

Breakthrough on freeway!
We violate physics laws
as we race the clock.

Check in goes quickly
everyone is late today
stupid construction.

Through security
onto the plane just in time
pant never again.

Five days in Cali
Time on the beach with our friends
Totally worth it.

Find More Haiku's Here
Find more of my Haiku's Here

To wear or not to wear, that is the question.

2008-05-15T19:47:00.002-04:00

Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the occasional pains and backache of hefting a baby in a sling or carrier, or to endure the separation of stroller use, choosing a method of baby toting is something all parents have to do. That is, of course, unless you intend to never leave your house. So, in the realm of unasked for advice, I offer you my viewpoint on babywearing.

As indicated in my initial API post, I fell into attachment parenting by accident. It was not a carefully thought out parenting style, but more a response to my personal desires as a mother and the needs of my children. At my baby shower for my first child, I received the usual land-yacht sized stroller and a Baby Bjorn carrier. I also received a lovely handwoven sling from Guatemala. Oh, it was gorgeous. When Monkey arrived, I was eager to place her into the sling, but lacked the knowledge and confidence to tuck her into what amounted to a bolt of fabric tied around my body. Instead, I used the Baby Bjorn. After all, it had the appearance of something scientifically developed. It had straps, and latches, and padding! Clearly, it was safer than a simple piece of fabric held together with a knot!

The Bjorn kept Monkey close to me and it was ergonomically correct, but there was a great deal of material and padding between us, and it was unbelievably hot to wear in the summer, for both of us. It was also a lot of hassle to strap me, and then Monkey into it. Additionally, it was huge, and next to impossible to carry around without my car as I couldn’t fold it up and slip it into anything.

I tried to get Monkey into the sling after discovering the downsides to my baby wearing tool of choice, but by that time she was used to the Bjorn, and didn’t want anything to do with the sling. She just couldn’t get comfortable in it. I sold the lovely sling to a friend for her sister’s shower, and went looking for a cooler and more compact solution. Luckily I found a compact hip carrier from One Step Ahead. While it didn’t allow me to carry her on long hikes, as it rested her on my hip, it did allow me to hold her more often, and for longer periods of time, by allowing my arms to rest. It was also significantly cooler in hot weather. This was the tool I used until Monkey was about three. It slipped into my diaper bag, and later my purse, and allowed me some additional options when she was tired out and wanted a ride on Mommy.

It would be nearly six years before I had another baby, so I had plenty of time to study those instincts I had discovered with my first child and figure out ways to encourage them with my second. I looked into babywearing and discovered a number of benefits I hadn’t known about before. I learned that progesterone levels in mothers increase with physical contact with their babies, which increases the maternal bond between mother and child. I read that babies who are “worn” have a tendency to cry about 50% less than babies who aren’t. I learned that the sling, when worn correctly, can lower backache by more evenly distributing the baby’s weight. I discovered that slinging my baby would allow me to nurse on the go, and even tend to the needs of my eldest child with free hands. I also learned that baby wearing can help prevent hip dysplasia, by helping my child’s hip joints develop deeper sockets. I figured the least I could do was try to sling again when it came time to have Otter.

A good friend of mine made me a Ring Sling, and I put Otter in it within days of his birth. He stayed comfy in his sling. I wore him around the house, out in public, in the grocery store, the park, you name it. I was able to nurse him, even while walking around, because the sling positioned him perfectly for feeding and hid my breasts from view. I can’ tell you how many times I was able to prevent a meltdown during grocery shopping by nursing on the go. Best of all, I could still hold Monkey’s hand when we walked around, and I could play more with her because I had two hands free. I found other uses for the sling as well; I have used it as a last minute picnic blanket, a sunshade when driving in the summer or walking with the stroller, and to secure my baby into a chair as a makeshift high chair at restaurants (once he was old enough to sit on his own).

Otter still loves his sling. He is also a very cheerful, happy baby, who rarely cries. We have seen the benefits of slinging, and I will stick to it if I have any more children. Of course, Otter is over 30 pounds now, so I had to switch from a Ring Sling to a Mei Tai, in order to get some additional weight support when carrying him around. (The Mei Tai crosses over both shoulders, which is helpful in distributing the weight more evenly). The Mei Tai is still small enough to carry in a diaper bag, so I can have it whenever I need it, and it is still significantly cooler than the Baby Bjorn was. It also still allows for skin on skin contact, as there is no huge padded support structure between me and the baby. We have just started wearing Otter in the backpack position, and we both love it. I love feeling his little head snuggle into my back when we are walking, and he enjoys looking around and being close. We alternate between the sling and the mei tai now, depending on how much carrying there is likely to be.

So… To Wear!! That is my answer. Babywearing has turned me into a full-time snuggler, and I am happy to have my baby close whenever I can.

You can visit this post at API Speaks (Tune in tomorrow for our regularly scheduled Haiku Friday and hellish travel day story.)

A island paradise, some friends, and no computer...

2008-05-14T14:04:00.017-04:00

Aack!! I went on vacation intending to update my blog to tell y'all I would be gone for a few days, only to forget completely about doing so!! Everything is fine, we are all well, and in fact we are all tan and relaxed and fantastic. We spent five days at Ben's family's house on Catalina Island soaking up some sun and down time with Ben, Aunty Mop, Lily Jane, Devon, Richard and Luke. We spent a lot of time talking, cooking, eating, drinking, wandering around town, swimming, and simply relaxing. Here is a sampling of the myriad of moments I caught on camera.

Lily enjoys a good book on the ferry ride overMonkey is too cool in her movie star glasses

We pass the Queen Mary on our way out to sea

The house where relaxation happens

The garden where we sit in awe at the amazing profusion of color

Otter taste tests the Catalina beachfront

and contemplates the ocean next to our amazing sand castle

Ben begins serious construction on the castle (Luke watches in the background)
Ben, Richard, and Monkey shape their sandy vision with some hard work and water
Ben and Lee add to the Sand Castle version of Catalina's Casino (while Luke reads a book)

Monkey army crawls towards the water's edge after making some sand shapes

The army crawl continues... and continues
Aunty Mop and Lily investigate the powers of sand shovels

I greet my husband in the usual style

Daddy and Otter wander into the ocean

"Mama? Dada? This stuff is cold. I am not sure I should have my feet in it."

Monkey dashes between beach and castle, ever ready to assist with sand dampening

Lily and Aunty Mop splash and play

Mommy and Otter enjoy a break from the wavesMonkey strides confidently into the cold
Aunty Mop and Lily Jane march into the water Mommy and Otter catch a few waves

Monkey sits in the waves, trying to convince herself it's warm enough to swim

Monkey stands atop a mountain overlooking the sea where we sat and searched for seals, whales, and dolphins. (Many a seal was seen, though no whales or dolphins.)

Otter dubiously rides strapped to the back of a golf cart. Initially he was a little nervous, but he began to enjoy it after a few minutes. (There are no cars really allowed on Catalina, so everyone drives golf carts around.)

Ben and Monkey smile goonishly after Ben has allowed Monkey to steer the golf cart up the mountain. (Later, he would let her steer it down. I closed my eyes and prayed.)

What Otter looks like strapped to the back of a golf cart

Otter and Ben hang out at the top of the world.

There was more, there is always more. I caught 337 pictures of the vacation, so I will not be posting all of them. However, there were many moments of baby cuteness between Lily and Otter, along with some more beach fun, so I will likely toss a few more up tomorrow.

I was a little apprehensive about going on this trip, because the last time I went Nick was along and I was a little afraid his absence would be glaring and painful. It really wasn't. I was able to remember the fun we had, feel a pang or two, and then relax and enjoy the days with the people I love. I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends. It was a real joy to catch up with them and just slow down for a while. I didn't want to return to the real world.

Tomorrow I will share with you my take of the travel day from hell, along with more stories of island bliss. Sorry I didn't alert you to my vacation beforehand. I am touched to have been checked in with as much as I have, thanks for caring so much about me!!

Baaoon Mama... Baaoon!

2008-05-07T16:33:00.007-04:00

99 dreams I have had
In every one a red balloon
It's all over and I'm standin' pretty
In this dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here
And here is a red balloon
I think of you and let it go
-- 99 Red Balloons Nena

Whenever I hear this song I think back to my youth, and get a sense of freedom and joy, an overwhelming desire to spin.

That desire popped, much like a balloon, as soon as I learned that we are depleting our helium reserves in the U.S., and the helium balloon, that amazing anti-gravity children's toy, may not be around for my grandkids. Imagine not seeing the wonder in a baby's face as he tries to figure out why this thing goes up... instead of down.

Helium is non-renewable and irreplaceable. There are pockets of the gas in Colorado, Kansas and Oklahoma and Russia has large pockets of natural gas, helium included, but there has not been a push to extract it. Further, a great deal of Helium is lost in the process of separating it from oil and natural gas. As the oil and gas are brought out of the ground, the Helium comes with them, but it is not captured as it releases, so it drifts up into the atmosphere and ... away. The world's largest pocket of Helium is located in the Texas Panhandle, and at our current rate of use, that reserve will be depleted by 2015.

In personal terms, this means Monkey will probably not have a balloon arch at her prom, and Otter may not be choosing a balloon from a vendor at a carnival by the time he is eight.

Helium can be produced directly in nuclear fusion reactors, and is an indirect side effect of fisson reactors, but the amount created by both these sources don't begin to reach our current use. Basically, it has taken billions of years for the Earth to create our Helium stores, so it's not really a build on demand kind of resource.

Helium can be recycled, and the larger industries users, such as NASA, do recycle it. However, any Helium released into the atmosphere is lost to the Earth forever, and there are no small users currently recycling the gas. To learn more, read up on the issue.

If we are not careful with our Helium, we will be waving goodbye to a childhood tradition, in addition to a scientific resource. This is such a amazing substance, with nothing else like it on earth. It is our connection to the unbelievable, the fantastic, the magical. Let's do our best to keep it around.

"Bbvvoomm... Ma ma na... Baavmmm"

Is it Ground Hog Day or am I a Stay at Home Parent?

2008-05-06T09:03:00.005-04:00

There is nothing quite like stay at home parenting to make a person feel an overall sense of deja vu. My routine, for the most part, is pretty much the same, day in and day out. The list of my core duties goes on and on, but I won't bore you with the details of it (it's not necessary for this post).
I will say that of the number of mundane things I do each day I feel the strongest sense of deja vu while sweeping the floor. I have to sweep the floor every morning, because we have more pets than sense, and therefore a pet fur carpet if left unswept more than a day. (Go two days and we begin to get tumblefur.)

Lately I have been feeling an increased sense of having done this all before. This feeling is stronger than "Oh yeah, I did this yesterday!". It's a deeper sense of bone weary repetition. The mundane daily chores of life leave me feeling a distinct lack of ...well distinctness in my day. It's as if the days in my life are all merging into one, and I am living that one day over and over again. Like Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day.

I am sure this feeling is not mine alone, and is shared by other stay at home parents as well as people working outside the home. After all, there is nothing like a mundane 9-5 office job to make one's days pass in a blur. However, I think the isolation of stay at home parenting increases the sense of futility that comes with these repeating chores. I mean, except for tumblefur, why bother sweeping the floor when I will only have to do it again the following day? Why wash the clothes when they will only get dirty again? All the work I do all day has no lasting accomplishment. I can't point to it say "Look! I spent x hours building this amazing thing that will stand for all eternity!" I can say "Look! I scrubbed the floors last week with a new cleanser, and now they are... crud, now they are covered in pet hair and juice spots again."

It's a strange feeling, this sense of not doing anything lasting. Intellectually I recognize that raising my children and caring for them is lasting in a way nothing else really is, but that doesn't mean I am able to step back and admire my handiwork at the end of a long day. Usually, I am only able to collapse on the sofa and mumble "the kids kicked my ass today... would you please get me a beer?" to my husband at the end of a long day.

There is no milestone for stay at home parents, nothing that makes us recognize that all our hard work has paid off this month, or this week, or this year. We get to share in our kids accomplishments, and our those of our partner's, but let's face it, there aren't a lot of childhood dreams that center on being house bitch, so no one is out there creating any House Bitch of the Year recognition plaques.

Out of the mouths of babes...

2008-05-05T21:25:00.006-04:00

One of my favorite parts of motherhood is listening to the really crazy things that come out of my kids mouths. For example, when Monkey was 3, she was overheard saying "Where is the fucking trash can?" because her father and I hadn't quite curbed our language enough. She has since learned not to say certain words, though she is fond of saying she can't say them. "I know I can't say damnit right mom? I can't say damnit right? I am not supposed to say Damnit 'cause it's a bad word, right Mom?" Oh yeah, she's a lawyer's kid. We have already had the "dam" v.s. "damn" discussion, and she is six. So, whattaya gonna do? Anyway, as Otter is beginning to speak, and Monkey is a font of interesting turns of phrase, I thought I would share a few of the odd conversations I have had this week.

"Is the baby hungry? Does Otter want some milk?" said I, in a disgustingly cute sing-song voice guaranteed to bring bile to the mouths of anyone overhearing me. "Can Otter say milk? Mama milk? Mama milk?"
"bbvvmm...... Boob" said Otter, repeating the word we have somehow all adopted to refer to breastmilk and patting me on the chest. Oh yeah, that one totally backfired on me, I am going to have the only one year old asking for boob. Great. Really, this will go over well in the more Stepford sections of my town. I am so glad I failed to listen to my friends when they warned me not to refer to breastmilk as something I didn't want the kids repeating. Head-slam-desk.

Anyway, onto a little Monkey magic:
"Mom, I don't know why, but Eric, not second grade Eric in Miss Galloway's class but the other Eric, you know, the blonde Eric? Not the one that pushed me down last week at the playground but the other one? The one that's been chasing me around at recess? Him? That Eric?"
"Yes Monkey, okay, what about Eric?" said a very exasperated and throughly lost Mommy.
"Well I don't know why but he said he loves to hear me scream because it's music to his ears, but I am still faster than him." said a proud and oddly flattered Monkey.
"Great, either he really likes you, or he is a future serial killer. Just tell your teacher if he bothers you or scares you okay?" I said, freaked out a little at the scream statement (not too freaked out, I know the kid and his mom and I am sure he is just being a weird kid, but still).

More Monkey Madness;
"Mommy, what is an umbrella stroller?" asked Monkey.
"It's a stroller that folds up and can be carried on your arm like an umbrella." I said while going for drive-thru ice cream.
"Oh.. I thought it was a stroller with an umbrella, I bet it's really heavy." Monkey responded.
"Not really," said her father "but what shape are the wheels do you think?"
"Uh... round Daddy. They wheels are round." said Monkey, with a credible teenage What color is the red bus tone in her voice.
"Are you sure they aren't square?" he persevered.
"Square wheels don't roll Dad, square wheels don't roll." answered Monkey, in the exact same tone as Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction when he said 'Zed is dead baby, Zed is dead.'
We lost it, which had her repeating it ad nauseum in the hopes she would crack us up again.

There are more, but at this point, they are all melding into long conversation in my head so I am going to log off and go to bed. Have a good night everyone!!

Weekly Winners

2008-05-04T00:02:00.004-04:00

Sometimes the only cure for melancholy is to look for simple beauty in the world. While I was trying to deal with my feelings this week I decided to walk around and look at the world around me. It turns out New Jersey isn't nearly as ugly and gray as I first thought it was.

For more Weekly Winners visit Here.
For more of my Weekly Winners visit Here.

Haiku Friday

2008-05-02T08:19:00.002-04:00

Feeling better now
after getting lots of love
from my bloggy friends.

There's something special
about this community
of blogger mamas.

Magic in Sharing
a journey historically
traveled alone.

I'm lucky to be
a part of such a lovely
circle of people.

Find More Haiku's Here
Find more of my Haiku's Here

Haunted

2008-05-01T08:50:00.010-04:00

Have you ever noticed that the signs of depression closely resemble the signs of grief? Have you ever considered that maybe the desire to medicate that feeling away is one that should be ignored from time to time? That upping your body's feel good vibes isn't necessarily fully acknowledging your emotional reaction to a traumatic event?

We (Americans) are so messed up about the grieving process, relegating it to a ceremony or two, a few weeks of sorrow, maybe some drunkeness, and then expecting life to continue pretty much as usual. If you look at the ways we deal with grief in our popular media, it’s pretty clear we are not supposed to wallow in it, feel it for the long haul, or even spend much time trying to get over it. We portray ourselves coming across a piece of memorabilia and pausing to gaze at it, preferably in front of a window at twilight with the light filtering onto our saddened faces, while a single tear sneaks past our stoic guise and creeps slowly down our cheek. Alternatively, we drop to our knees, loudly scream “Nooooooo!” in complete anguish, and then run off to exact revenge and overcome the pain with a new life, usually filled with lots of money.

If anyone evidences anything beyond a well mannered grief, we begin trotting out the meds and telling them how depressed they are. I am guilty of that sin myself, telling my mother she might want to take something to help her when she was still clearly grieving her parents death years later. Mom, I apologize. I simply didn’t get it.

I get it now because I am grieving. I lost an important and essential person, one who I spoke with every day, and who I planned on working with for decades to come. A friend to me, my husband, and my children. A man who I could call for professional advice, personal advice, or simply to share some of my geekier law moments with. In the place of him, I have grief. I acknowledge it in the morning, when I wake up and gently remind myself that he is still in fact gone. It sneaks out after the children have been tucked in at night, and I whisper to it, telling it that I know it's still there, and yes, it can come and sit with me a while.

I have been haunted by memory and grief since his death.

See, Nick was one of those people who sidle into your life, linger for a little while in the 'cool person to hang with' zone, and then suddenly become crucial elements of your life. His time in my life, relative to my age, was fairly short, but he had impact. He changed me.

When he died, my heart broke. There was a resounding CRACK from deep within my chest and I can visualize the deep, red, dark chasm that now resides in the place of his existence. I can feel the emptiness in that one spot. The rest of my heart feels fine, it revels in Otter snuggles and Monkey stories, it rejoices in my family, my friends, my work. It gets pumped up to industrial music and thrills when I drive too fast with the windows down. My heart loves and beats as it did before, just not in that one empty spot.

Why was he so crucial? Sadly, the reason was something I didn't fully understand, until it was gone. I loved him when he was alive, and I thrilled in our friendship, but I didn't know exactly what made him so special until a few months after his death. You see, Nick was a believer, he was the ultimate cheerleader, a constant morale boosting inspiration. There simply wasn't anything I couldn't do in his opinion. Every idea I had, every crazy notion I spewed from my mouth was received with optimism. He was like that with everyone. He simply believed in people. He had endless capacity to cheer them on.

He also loved me for exactly who I am. He knew I could be flaky, selfish, and stubborn, that I love to argue with anyone and about anything. He emboldened me, championed my true self. With him I could simply let go and be thrilled with learning something amazingly hard. We gorged on knowledge together. I never had to apologize for thinking endlessly about the law, trying to find it in every conversation, every experience, because he was doing the same thing.

We called each other every time we saw a sign that a lawyer had been at work. The highway sign by the correctional facility that read "Do not pick up hitch hikers", the street sign in Jersey that read "Bridge freezes before road surface", the "extremely hot beverage" warnings on to go mugs. Every time we saw something, we called, or sent a text message, sharing the inside joke. Every time I see something now, I still want to call him, or send him a message.

So I still grieve, fourteen months later, for the person who used to loom so large in my life. Frankly, I don't know if I will every stop feeling that empty place in my heart. I am haunted by the little traditions we created, by the support I am missing, and by the unconditional love that came from such an unexpected source.

It turns out there are people you simply can't replace. He walked into my life, created this Nick shaped space in my heart, and no one else fits in the hole he left behind. I am just going to have to get used to it being empty.

It's hard to be small...

2008-04-30T08:55:00.003-04:00

Otter and I joined Monkey and a few of her friends at the playground after school yesterday. We usually stop and play for a few minutes after we pick Monkey up, when the weather is warm and inviting. Otter likes to sit in his stroller and watch the big kids run around, climb, and slide.

Yesterday, about fifteen minutes into the experience, it occurred to Otter that he can walk now, so really there is no reason for him to stay in the stroller watching the big kids, he can play with them. So he petitioned for his freedom, and was granted early release for good behavior.

Off like a rocket he went! (If a rocket is small, toddling, and unsteady in it's gait.) He toddled straight toward his sister on the climbing bars smiling all the way. As soon as he got to her, he grabbed a hold of the lowest rung, and lifted his little baby leg up, and up, and up.

That's when he noticed that the highest he could bring his chubby baby foot was still well below the first rung. He tried again, and again, and again. Then he turned his little baby face to me and trumpeted his little "help me mama" bleat.

"Sorry honey, you are too small to climb on that." I said. I grasped his hand and walked him over to the stairs, as he loves to practice going up and down the stairs. He was happily toddling away again, up and down, up and down, when he caught sight of Monkey heading down the huge red slide. Oh the laughter in her shrieks! How much fun it looks!! In seconds he was off, running full baby speed for the slide, a full size, extra long, way too big for him slide.
I stopped him a few feet from the entrance.

"Sorry honey, you are too small to ride on that, let's go play something else." Oh the screams!! You could hear him argue "I am not too small! I can walk to it can't I! Lemme on Mama!!"

It was definitely time to go. I rounded up the big kids and we all walked home for apple slices, cheese, and Goldfish. I consoled Otter on the way, as he fought with being back in his stroller, with being unable to do all these big kids things, and with being too small.

Poor Otter, so certain he could do what they did, so happy to think he was free and able to go roam the playground just like his sister. Here he is, finally able to walk and run around, finally able to get where he wants to go without Mama, and yet, still too little to do anything once he gets there.

It's hard to be small.

Honey for your honey...

2008-04-29T08:01:00.016-04:00

This year for Mother's Day, do something a little different. Rescue some bees. You can get your mom some bee friendly flowers for her garden, donate to a bee worthy cause, or help her make bee friendly hives for her garden. Honey Bees have been vanishing from all over the U.S., and with them our way of life.

Carrot Cake, Apple Strudel, Blueberry Scones, Cherry Tarts, Pumpkin Pie, Guacamole, Broccoli Quiche, French Onion Soup, Butternut Squash with Cinnamon, Almond Butter. These delectable foods and desserts are an example of some of the foods that will disappear from our diet if we can't keep the bees healthy and put a stop to Colony Collapse Disorder. These foods, Carrots, Apples, Blueberries, Cherries, Pumpkins and Squash, Avocados, Broccoli, Almonds, and Onions, simply won't grow without the help of pollinating bees, specifically honey bees. In fact, $15 billion worth of U.S. crops are at risk because of the disappearance of bees.

Why are the bees disappearing? Beekeepers noticed odd behavior in bees and sounded the alarm when seemingly healthy bees began abandoning their hives in 2006. An estimated one third of all honey bees in the U.S. have disappeared. Poof. They have simply flown off.

Scientists attribute the vanishing bees to a number of different factors, including inadequate food supply, pesticide use, and a new virus. The inadequate food supply is due to human activity, building homes in previously open spaces, planting gardens that don't provide bees the resources they need to survive, spraying pesticides specifically targeted at bees. We might like their honey, but most people don't like having the bees buzzing about their backyard BBQ. Sadly, our dislike has parlayed itself into acts that damage Bee habitats, and therefore ourselves. Bees play a critical, and irreplaceable role in our food supply, and we should do what we can to help bring them back. But what can we do?

The National Resources Defense Council has a few ideas:

Bee Native: Use local and native plants in your yard and garden. These plants thrive easily and are well suited for local bee populations, providing pollen and nectar for bees to eat.

Bee Diverse:Plant lots of different kinds of plants in your yard. Plant diversity ensures that your garden attracts many different varieties of bees and gives them a range of flowering plants to choose from throughout the year. Make sure your yard plants vary in:
Color: Bees have good vision and are attracted to several different colors of flowers.
Shape: Different species of bees are better suited for different shapes of flowers. Give your bees some variety!
Flowering times: Having a sequence of plant species that flower throughout the year helps sustain the food supply and attract different species of bees.

Bee Pesticide Wary: There are many natural methods to control pests in your garden. Researchers believe pesticides are a contributing factor to Colony Collapse Disorder. Moreover, some insecticides are harmful to bees and wipe out flowers that provide bees with food. If you must, use targeted pesticides and spray at night -- when bees aren't active -- on dry days.

Bee a Hive Builder: Building your own bee hive is easy and fun. Creating a wood nest is a good place to start -- wood-nesting bees dont sting! Simply take a non-pressure treated block of wood and drill holes that are 3/32 inch to 5/16 inch in diameter and about 5 inches deep and wait for the bees to arrive.

For more ideas on helping the honeybee, you can visit HelptheHoneybees.com, this Haagen-Dazs supported website offers articles on the Bee Crises, links to ideas on how to help, and more. You can also visit and support the PennState Bee research and UCDavis's research. To be more personally involved in the solution join The Hunt for Bees at The Great Sunflower Project. Check out the articles at The Daily Green for more ideas.

The N.Y. Times provided this map tracking the bee disappearances, along with some well written articles on the issue. Click on the map for a link to one of their articles.

The time to act is here, losing the bees will have a direct effect on your lifestyle. No more strawberries on a hot summer day, or piping hot slices of All American apple pie when it's cold outside. We need the bees. Plant a bee garden, get a hive going, donate to organizations that are trying to make a difference, do something.

This year for Mother's Day, help your mom be a source of change, and save a few bees.
What better way to celebrate Mom, than to save the world's fruits and veggies?

The big baby...

2008-04-28T16:46:00.005-04:00

Otter is one. Just one, he hasn't even hit thirteen months yet. Despite his youth, he is big, huge really. His last stats were:

Weight 30 pounds 6 ounces
Height 31 1/2 inches
What does this size mean beyond increased muscle gain in my arms? (All right, my arm, I am really bad at alternating, so I end up with a muscular right arm, and a measly left.)

It means I have a one year old, who sometimes acts like a two year old. He reaches up and opens all the doors and he can hold my hand when walking without me stooping to reach him. He pulls furniture down on himself, and can reach onto all the surfaces in my home, except the kitchen island. Last night for dinner he ate a serving of meatloaf, as in, the same size serving I ate. Then he nursed for an hour. He is a big boy, destined to be a linebacker, or wrestler, or an interior decorator (What? He will be able to better reach the draperies for improved artistic arrangement). He can also get himself down off of the bed and couch, without hurting himself.

Don't believe me? Luckily for you this whole diatribe is a thinly veiled excuse to show you more baby cuteness... so here it is:

Note how he is taller than the tall kitchen garbage can in our bedroom.

Thank you for sharing in my Otter's accomplishments with me. I am going to start strength training to deal with his increased weight, but I don't think I will be needing much of an exercise plan after he gets through with me.

Something a little stronger?

2008-04-28T09:19:00.005-04:00

I don't think coffee is going to get me through the day. I need something a little stronger, like tequila, with a lime, and large grain kosher salt, or maybe Speed.

Otter was awake playing "crawl thru diner" most of the morning. (By morning I mean the hours after midnight.) Now, of course, he is wired for sound, taking things apart, running through the house, sucking on butcher knives and sticking his fingers into light sockets.

Me? I am barely conscious as I drink my first cup of coffee in what promises to be a very, very long day.

Why can't he be, oh I don't know, TIRED on the days when neither of us get any sleep? It's not as though I was out all night clubbing while he slept away in dream land. No, I was in bed, cursing the day I decided to pop a tit in his hungry hungry hippo mouth! I was desperately trying to sleep while he twisted my skin between his fingers, kicked me in the stomach, groin, and thighs, and nursed all night long.

Is he tired? No! Otter wants to pull all the magnets off my office filing cabinet, so he can suck the magnetized metal bits out of the large plastic covers and choke on them before he determinedly eats the papers they were pinning to the cabinet. He wants to dig through my drawers and spread printer paper all over the floor! He wants to open the front door and wander out into the street!

Otter wants to climb the stairs, up and down, up and down, holding tightly to my fingers with his chubby baby hands. On a quasi rested well adjusted day I would console myself with thoughts like "at least I am getting my exercise today" or "Who needs a stair stepper when you have a one year old?", but today the only thought in my mind seems to be "are you frackin' kidding me?! I want to lie down and watch ER reruns until I drool!"

But no, he is not tired today. His new motto is "sleep is for the weak". He is an unstoppable force of pint sized determination.

I, however, am the thick dull sludge left in the bottom of the coffee pot when the burner has been on all night.

Update
He fell asleep not too long ago, snuggled warm with me on the couch. I tried to sleep, lay there for an hour listening to the traffic, the birds, the neighbor's loud oompa loompa polka music. No sleep. None. Finally got up before going stark raving mad.

Weekly Winners

2008-04-27T17:37:00.006-04:00

It's time to make a wish:

For more Weekly Winners visit Here.
For more of my Weekly Winners visit Here.

Pay it forward...

2008-04-26T09:35:00.003-04:00

Some of you may remember my Pay it Forward Exchange. Well I created a lovely green summer hat for WesnLani's chemo angel recipient, and I finished my second craft, a lovely black and shiny gold and silver evening bag for Mandy over at Not Another Mom Blog. I had a lot of fun creating this bag. I crocheted it out of 100% cotton yarn, with a sparkly deco yarn trim, lined it with a thick sparkly felt lining, and crocheted a clasp closure so it's contents won't spill easily out of it.

Here is the bag itself:

Here is the handcrafted enclosure:

Here is a detailed shot of the stripes:

It was a great deal of fun making this. It may be the fanciest one I have made yet. I think I may use this pattern again for christmas gifts.

Thanks for everyone who participated! I am sending the gifts out Monday.

Vice and Vices...

2008-04-25T11:49:00.008-04:00

My head is stuck in a vice again.

The throbbing pain coupled with photophobia (light induced pain) makes it hard to write anything interesting. I am trying to fight off despair. I am so tired of dealing with migraines. I know I don't have a life threatening illness, and I am ever thankful for the mostly healthy life I have had, but I am still longing for a headache free life.

I mean seriously, who has time to sit still in a quiet dark room for days on end? If I had time to do that, I would be a member of the landed gentry, stuck in a whale boned corset, and forced to gorge on meals before leaving for parties in order to maintain the image that women eat like birds. (An asinine comparison, since birds eat more than their weight each day, and therefore a woman eating like a bird would be consuming over a hundred pounds of food daily. I digress.)

I have suffered from these nasty, soul sucking, headaches since I was twelve. In fact, this year marks the 20th anniversary of my introduction to migraine hell! Bully for me! Two decades of intense headaches coming and going, sometimes a few a year, other times a few a month.
I have gone to work and class in sunglasses, lived with a permanent prescription for percoset and muscle relaxants, and worn earplugs when watching my kids play. I have tried yoga, massage, chiropractic treatments, diet and vitamin changes, heat therapy, cold therapy, herbal therapy, swimming, walking, sleeping, drinking, lying in a dark room, working through the pain, sex, and more. I have had dozens of C.T.'s and MRI's, not to mention the plethora of EMG's and nerve conduction survey's I have been treated to. I can't even explain the other myriads of medical brain and nerve scanning technologies I have been treated with over the years.

I have been told they were caused by stress, hormones, insufficient bra support, birth control medication, allergies, the manner in which I carry my children/backpack/purse, diet. You name it, I have been given a reason. I have even been told to get breast reduction surgery on the off chance it will improve my headaches. (Cause yeah, medical science is down to a science, there ain't no guess work in them there diagnoses.)

What I haven't been given, is a solution. Each time I try a remedy, I get hopeful. I think maybe this time I am done. Each time I have a month, or two, sometimes even several months, without headaches. Each time they return. The only time I have been successful in getting rid of them is when I am pregnant. As much as I enjoy the lack of migraine's while enciente, I am certainly not going to be pregnant forever. (That would be another nightmare entirely.)

I refuse to let these headache's ruin my life, so over the years I have adapted to living with a certain amount of discomfort. I buy ridiculously huge dark sunglasses to wear in and out of the house, I take medication to dull the ache, and I live my life.

I know my family can still tell when I am having one. Monkey will come to me and pat my head and say "I am sorry you hurt mama." Lee will make me tea and rub my shoulders. I wish I could live my life with as much zest as normal, but at least I am up and about.

And today, I am blogging. Which has become one of my vices. I am pretty sure I could be at death's door in the ER and still would ask for a laptop and wireless connection so I could connect with the blog-o-sphere. It's better for you than most vices, I won't get lung cancer or destroy my liver by blogging, though carpal tunnel is certainly a risk. At least I can socialize with someone, without having to explain that smiling makes my head hurt.
Thanks for being there to socialize with.

My Nine Jobs...

2008-04-23T09:34:00.008-04:00

I am job hunting, looking for that fabled "what I am going to be when I grow up."
It is not an easy thing to do. I look at job descriptions and think, is that really me? Do I fit that? Can I do that? What if I can do most of it?

It is an odd time, full of doubts and insecurities. Especially since I don't really want to succeed at it. I want to stay home snuggled up with my baby, nursing and fully embracing his youngest years. Why doesn't Stay at Home Parent pay anything? It should, I certainly fill enough roles. At the very minimum, I should be able to list some of my responsibilities on my resume, it's not as if I have been sitting at home eating bon-bons for the last year.

I wonder what I would earn if I was doing all my jobs outside the home, instead of inside it?

Let's see.... In order to get an idea of what my time is worth, I went to Salary.com and looked up the various jobs I do within my zip code. According to the midrange salaries for the various positions, I should be a wealthy woman:

Housekeeper
$22,000.00 year

Chef (Fast Food Cook)
$33,000.00 year

In home Nurse
$50,000.00 year

Personal Assistant
$45,000.00 year

Secretary
$35,000.00 year

Chauffeur
$35,000.00 year

Nutritionist
$58,000.00 year

Teacher
$30,000.00 year

Day Care Provider
$30,000.00 year

Obviously I can't do all these full time, so let's assume I am only doing them 1/3 as much as the professionals are (remember, I can't leave my job to go home, and working nine part time jobs is actually possible, if you are working 24/7). At 1/3 annual salary for each job, added together, I should earn approximately $109,000.00 a year.

Wow. The work I do at home is as valuable as the work I would do as a lawyer! Sadly, it doesn't pay in cash, only in drooly, sticky love. (Okay, and lots of hand made artwork.)

What does this financial revelation really mean? Well, maybe it means that all you stay at home parents out there who feel as though you "aren't contributing" to the household should rethink your definition of contribution. If you were to pay others to do what you do, you would have some pretty ridiculous bills.

Well, the boss is demanding my attention, so I am off to work! Here, why don't you enjoy an oft requested (by Hatchet anyway) video of Otter toddling while I go sweep up scattered and stepped on Goldfish:

And here he is saying Balloon (okay, his version of Balloon, which is really more of a "Bavvoonmn" sound):

Spare the crib, spoil thyself...

2008-04-21T21:43:00.003-04:00

While taking my one year old son for a stroll a few days ago I stopped into my neighborhood coffee house. I noticed a woman with a similarly aged child sipping a coffee in the corner. We oohed and aahed over the babies and began to talk about our parenting experiences with the fervor of isolated stay at home parents.

"Are you still nursing?"
"Yes I am. It's just so convenient."
"Me too, you never have to worry about running out..."
"And it's always the right temperature!"
"Do you stay at home?"
"Yes, staying at home is so great."
"Yes, a little isolating, but very rewarding."

We enjoyed the instant friendship created by our shared experiences, thrilled to have a few minutes to share conversation with an adult in the middle of our child filled day.
She asked me if he was sleeping well at night, as her baby kept getting up around two a.m.
"He sleeps with me, so he gets up some, but I don't really notice." I informed her.
"You still sleep with him? You are spoiling him." She said in a sweet, caught you with a second slice of cake, voice.
"No way," I responded "I don't believe that for a second."
"You're right," she said smiling " you are spoiling yourself."

She's right. Like a great massage, or that sexy red pair of cuban heeled shoes, or a box of exclusive chocolates, snuggling up to my baby every night is a treat, and a way I can spoil myself. My daughter turns seven this year, so I know how quickly the baby time goes. I also am fairly certain this is my last child. So there is a part of me that snuggles up to him at night, warm and fuzzy in my bed, and feels like I am catching hold of as much of his chubby babyhood as possible.

For me, attachment parenting is mostly about getting the most out of my children's childhood as I can. There is also a big laziness component. I like not having to walk the floor for an hour to get my baby to sleep before setting him in his crib. I love not having to get up and heat water for formula when he wakes up hungry at 3 a.m. I like the extra sleep I get by popping a nipple in his mouth when he starts to stir. I don't have to be very awake to nurse him when we are sleeping side by side. I find slings easier to carry in my diaper bag than strollers. However, as important as these benefits are, the true reason behind my decision to co-sleep, nurse, and baby-wear, is the extra coziness of close contact with my baby.

The baby years seem so long when you are in the middle of them, but in reality they are so fleeting. They crawl before you can get the fog of motherhood out of your head, they walk before you can get used to them crawling, they start to talk about the time you are really understanding their non verbal cues. Suddenly they are two, and stridently demanding their first taste of freedom. Then they are going to school, and a part of their life is lived outside of you. The small precious baby who once required you for everything is suddenly a small person with their own friends, and experiences that you are no part of at all.

So I co-sleep, and nurse, and baby-wear, so I can keep my baby closer to me for just a bit longer.

Visit this post over at Attachment Parenting International's new blog API Speaks!

A few changes...

2008-04-21T13:49:00.003-04:00

No, I have not adopted an ape and an otter, so if you have noticed the appearance of Monkey and Otter in recent posts, don't worry, the menagerie has not grown. After two years of blogging and reaching over 400 posts I finally decided to use nicknames for my children (because doing so at 100 posts would have been too easy).
I have been going back through posts and editing them to reflect the change. Why? I guess I felt the need to add a thin veneer of mystery to the sordid details of our lives. Okay, and I will also be posting a few times a month for Attachment Parenting International, on their API Speaks blog. I guess I figured that might result in some more traffic here, and since I will officially be leaving the land of "family update" blogs and entering the land of "some other type of blog" I feel the need for additional privacy. At least for the kids. Hubby is still fair game.

So, my first post should be up on API speaks soon, if you want to pop over and see it! I will be posting it here too, once it is up, so you can also just wait. However, if you go see it on their blog, then you can check out all their other cool contributors as well, so you might want to give it a go!

No weekly winners for me!

2008-04-20T22:53:00.003-04:00

Instead, I got a totally stuffed up snotty baby with a high fever, a hyper active child with attention seeking behaviors, and a long weekend of stress. It was one of those kids all over you, never wanting to play alone or be set down kinda weekends. I am still twitching.

I had to cancel my weekly sanity break with my friends, because Otter is so sick he wants to nurse all the damn time. It sucked.

On the upside, an old friend came into the town and stopped over to see us. Lee held the grouchy man whilst I donned my new apron and made a nice pork tenderloin for dinner. Then Lee sent me out to grab dessert for everyone, as we don't normally carry sweets in the house, so I picked up Rum Raisin Gelato and Butter Cookies. They were pretty good.

Of course, when I returned, Otter was so traumatized by my leaving that I nursed him for another hour and a half before he would sleep.

I hope he gets over this soon. It is really intense. He doesn't want to do anything by lie in my lap and suck on me. I feel so dehydrated, and so... well... trapped. Ugh.

Tomorrow is a school holiday too... so it will be a whole day of bored six year old and sick baby.

Grant me patience please.

Haiku Friday...

2008-04-18T11:07:00.004-04:00

Motherhood fits me
like a bright red racy top.
Sexy, revealing.

Find More Haiku's Here
Find more of my Haiku's Here

Prior incarnations...

2008-04-17T08:31:00.009-04:00

It was late, nearing the witching hour, and there I was, walking the boards in flannel with a baby over my shoulder. As I hummed the burping song (my cheesy version of We Will Rock You) and patted Otter's jammie clad bottom, I was suddenly struck with a vivid sense memory from a time long ago.

You know, the fabled Time before children.

There was a crisp cold smell, and a clack clack swish sound, and a trembling sensation from the thousands of people stomping and clapping.
Stomp Stomp
Clap
Stomp Stomp
Clap
I was back in time over a decade ago; at the first Stanley Cup Finals game between the Colorado Av's and the Detroit Red Wings. Prince was playing in the background, an adaptation of "Let's go Crazy" re-written to be "Cup Crazy" and I was there, newly wed to First Husband, stomping and screaming and loving every minute. I was reveling in the combined energy of the crowd, and thrilled to be close to the ice for such a pivotal game.

I shook my head, and was back in my house, in my thirties, pacing the floor with a baby.
Yes, I thought, I used to be different.

It's so easy to forget the prior incarnations of my life. When I was a wild young girl, a swing dancer, a professional witch. When I used to braid jewelry into my hair, and wear rings on every finger, and then every second knuckle of every finger. When I would go to a new bar, just to meet new people, and dance with someone who really didn't mean anything to me at all. The days when I would hit the thrift store, create a crazy outfit that had no style but my own, and then wear it out. When I would hop a Greyhound bus to California with $200 in my pocket and the simple belief that I would be fine, on my own, no matter what.

The past seven years of my life have been so bloody serious. They have been an amazing journey, but they have demanded so much of my soul that I dropped everything else to get through them. Some might say I separated the wheat from the chaff, but I think I may have discarded a bit of wheat too.

I used to attend drum circles every week. I would cart my giant Djembe (The one I bought from an African drum designer in San Diego and then flew home in it's own seat, lovingly patting it's hand carved images) to circle, and then lose myself in a swirl of incense and rythym for hours. Hours. I had callouses on my hands and arms from striking the drumhead over and over.

Now my hands have gone soft, and the Djembe sits silent in a corner.

How did this happen?

Is there a way to resuscitate the parts of the old me that bring a pang to my stomach when I think of them or are they relegated to midnight flashbacks and fond reminisences? Am I doing my children a favor by not showing them this wild past me or am I just insuring that they will alienate themselves from me when it is time for their own wild child to emerge? Is there even time for me to pull these past incarnations out of the closet and dust them off? I don't even have time to shower most days, how will I find the time to Lindy Hop?

Eventually Otter fell asleep, and I was able to set him down, and go to sleep myself. Sadly, I didn't wake up any closer to the girl at the game, than I was when I remembered her.

Venting...

2008-04-15T17:16:00.006-04:00

Okay, two posts in one day is annoying, I agree, but I finally have two minutes to myself today and frac I need to vent!

I know I am a big AP (as in Attachment Parenting or small fiendish children hanging on you all day and night forever) advocate, and I know I voluntarily signed up to nurse for two years, and to stay home with my son, and to co-sleep and baby wear.

BUT DAMMIT I WANT MY PRIVACY BACK!!!!

Not all the time, just every now and then. You know, ten or fifteen minutes a day?

I used to dream of saving the world, or traveling in space, or being discovered for some artsy foreign film, or at least winning a huge Toxic Torts case. Now I dream of peeing, alone.

That's right! Three years of educational hell and two hundred thousand dollars in student loans and my highest aspiration is eliminating in privacy!!

Otter is in such a needy place right now! (Read: He doesn't nap and is therefore psycho) I can't leave him in a room/crib/walker/exersaucer/whatever by himself for any time at all without him screaming! And he can scream! His little soft voice goes all sonic death ray on me as he strips his vocal cords in his attempts to be heard!

So what is a mom do? Well.... this mom finds herself either ignoring the gut wrenching screams coming from the bedroom whilst I pee.... or I bring him into the bathroom with me where I get to play the "No baby, you can't play with the chemicals/toilet/toilet paper/toothbrush/hair dryer/choking hazard/first aid kit/ Q-tips/ medicine bottles/ eyebrow scissors/ razor blades/ poisonous gas dispenser" game, whilst I pee.

Either way, I don't get to pee in peace. It seems like such a small thing, the chance to use the bathroom alone, and without any sense of urgency, but it turns out to be one of the trickiest things of all.

Is he like this because I am an AP parent? Are all children this way? Do other parents get to pee alone? It's really what I want, a little peace, a little privacy, a chance to pee in private, with no screaming children in the background.

Isn't that a goal worthy of my dearly bought talents?

The Family Bed...

2008-04-15T10:58:00.003-04:00

At some point last night Monkey crawled into bed with us, a fact I only noticed around 4 a.m. when her stinker of a brother began to cry for milk, and I became aware of a sense of being penned in on all sides.

Normally Hazel, my tortoiseshell cat, sleeps against my back at night, so I wasn't surprised to feel a pressure against my left side, but I was amazed at it's weight, thinking "Gee, this cat really doesn't want to be shoved out of bed tonight."
Thankfully I became aware enough to stop myself from shoving harder, or I would have rudely pushed my six year old onto the floor while turning over to nurse Otter. Instead, I sleepily informed her that she needed to get back into her own bed, and gave her a little kiss. She sleepily complied. Lee then raised his groggy head up long enough to notice there was another person in our bed, before resuming his part of the deep nighttime sleep chorus.

I still have no idea when she crawled into bed with me, or why, or even how. I didn't notice it enough to wake up when it happened. There was a surprising amount of room because Otter hadn't begun his nightly process of pushing me closer to the edge of the bed. (I usually wake up clinging desperately to the far edge with very little blanket while the men in my life happily snore away in comfortable ignorance of my plight.) I was just a little constrained, by two warm snuggly kids, snoring away on either side of me.

I could understand the family bed. I mean, I personally think I would go insane if I had both kids in bed with me all night every night, but from time to time a solid family cuddling pile is simply wonderful. I woke up this morning feeling well loved, though a bit stiff in the back and neck.

Weekly Winners

2008-04-13T14:42:00.006-04:00

This week we took my mother on a nature walk, and I got some great pictures of our journey:

Fairy Garden

Lichen petals

Chippy Chipmunk

A log's landscape

Yellow Burst

A ground hog checks us out

Determining our intentions

Leafy display

Haiku Friday...

2008-04-11T09:55:00.004-04:00

I'm down in the dumps
feeling sad and very blue
once more far from home.

First Dad brought sunshine
some hugs and conversations
added to my days.

After Dad came Mom
bringing with her warmth and love
simply together.

Two weeks with my folks,
making me feel at home here
in far far away.

Games with the kiddos
laughter and family fun
days spent reveling.

Now it's a quiet house
just baby and me again
a normal morning.

I'm feeling adrift
in my not so fairy tale
far far far away.

Find More Haiku's Here
Find more of my Haiku's Here

The backstory (or things that make you go WTF?!)...

2008-04-10T13:59:00.006-04:00

As you all know yesterday was Mr. Otter's first birthday.

We began the day with a visit to the Doctor for a well check up. I was there, with my mom, happily answering in the affirmative to all the usual developmental questions, can he talk, walk, clap his hands, eat table food, etc. Suddenly, during the physical exam, she asks me "Have your son's testicles always been receded?"

"Excuse me? What?" Said I... totally thrown by the words testicles and receded, as I was unaware that there was anyway for them to do that. I thought they pretty much just... you know... hung there, in their little sack, adjusting to temperatures.

She pointed out that the area around his penis was inflamed a little, and the scrotum was empty. So basically, they crawled up and hid. (Men, you have some weird little body parts... has anyone every told you that?)

So yeah.... we have to have it checked out, though they had returned when I changed him last night, so maybe this is normal behavior for them. (She said some boys have receding testicles.)

We moved on with our day, and I began to make the Lego cake and special Avocado Buttercream frosting I had decided to try after watching a Good Eats on my favorite green goody. "Alton Brown has never let me down before!" I cried in the face of scrutiny and doubt from those nearest me (and therefore most likely to be forced to eat the icing.)The cake itself turned out really well, and the lego was easy to assemble. Then on went the icing, Green Avocado Buttercream on one cake, Yellow Normal Buttercream on the other.

However, it turns out, AB was wrong about Avocado icing. It is not yummy, in fact, it tastes like two avocado's mixed with a pound of sugar, and sprinkled with lemon juice. So not good. Even worse, it looked as though I had iced my cake with old guacamole, which made even looking at it unappealing.
Luckily, at the brilliant behest of my husband, I had made another regular buttercream icing just in case. So there was cake after all.

Of course, Otter didn't eat any of it. He just wanted his "Baa oon".

One Year...

2008-04-09T18:10:00.006-04:00

Since that amazing moving in my belly,

since the twinges turned to powerful urges.
One year since the screaming, and pushing.
It's been one year since they placed you on my stomach,
and I gazed at you in wonder,
spent, sweating, and so ready for a sandwich.

You have grown so much in that year.
You can walk, and crawl,
I swear today you said Balloon.
"Baa ooon... Baa ooon .. Ma ma na."
You are funny, and sweet, snuggly, and strong.
You love your Dad, and your Sister, and your Mom.

I love your smell,
That subtle sweaty sweetness
you get right before bath day.
I love your curly hair and sleepy eyes,
and the way you stick your butt in the air
at bedtime.

You are an amazing young man,
and I am so proud to be your mama.
Happy Birthday Otter!

"Baa ooon Ma ma na..... Baa ooon."

It's co-sleeping dear...

2008-04-07T14:34:00.004-04:00

Not co-nighttime-play.

Otter was awake a lot last night. Monkey had a nightmare around two a.m., which woke him up and resulted in a very awake baby smacking me in the face and kicking me in the stomach for half an hour or so. (Monkey dreamed about Tarantulas biting her, which I stated was very unlikely for them to do, given their relatively mellow natures and small fangs, and maybe they were kissing her instead? It seemed to calm her down, but I fear I may be creating a truly warped child here.)

Then he woke up at 5:30 again, ready to start our day! (Crazy kid! The only thing I start at that hour is cursing!)

So here I am, so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open, and wishing I had been wise enough to fall asleep at 8.

Otter? Well he is tired too, but is he napping??? NO!! He is an unstoppable force of baby nature.... determinedly getting into every nook, cranny, drawer, meat cleaver, and poisonous plant in the world, while his bleary-eyed Mom tries to keep up.

Crap, he has the speaker wire again....

Weekly Winners

2008-04-06T10:24:00.007-04:00

I took little break, but now I am back! Here are some pictures I took during our trip "Down the Shore" yesterday (They are in their unedited form, as I still have family in town and have no time to edit):

A blue Heron:

Rocky Shore:

Down the shore:

I love pets... really! I swear!

2008-04-04T10:35:00.005-04:00

I do. I love them so much I have five! Three cats and two dogs! (Yes I am insane)
I love their snuggles, and their loyalty, their warm purring bodies trapping me in at night. One cat on each part of me not covered by a baby.
(Yes I am becoming claustrophobic.)
I love feeding and caring for five additional creatures. (Nothing like cat and dog food to add to the grocery budget! Oohh, and emptying those catboxes is a dream! Of course, Hubby gets the joy of picking fresh poo up with little plastic baggies, and he will happily tell you how much fun that is!!)

I love cleaning up their vomit, poop, urine, and creative impulses (like the shredded toilet paper roll, or the chewed up baby toy or kiddo stuffy, or couch).

Oh and don't forget the joy of figuring out what that random smashing sound is, or having nap time interrupted by another round of Kitten Commando.

I simply adore finding random puddles of liquid on my floor, and playing bodily function roulette. Is it pee? Bile? Drool? Water from an illicit indoor afternoon tea? (Please be water... please!)

I think the best part is finding said liquid with my feet! Oh yes, nothing quite like stepping on slightly tepid liquid at five a.m.! Joy! (Especially if it is chunky and squishes between my toes! There is nothing better for waking a person up then stepping in fresh cat vomit!!)

Yes, I think being a pet owner is one of the greatest joys in my life.

Um... belated 400th post-a-versary...

2008-04-03T08:03:00.005-04:00

Wow, somewhere in the last two weeks I lost my 400th post, it just passed me by. This is post 411. I can't believe I have had so much to say! I hope some of it was erudite and entertaining!

So... my darling nearing 7 year old daughter is driving me nuts. I am begging to think that she adds one repetition for each year of age. At three, I only had to ask her to do something three times, at four, it was four times. Now, as we near seven, I swear it is seven times, occasionally eight (everyone needs one to grow one after all).

"Monkey, have you brushed your teeth?"
"Uhh.... no."
"Okay, please go brush your teeth."
"Okay!"
A few seconds later, I will find her in her room with a doll, or hear her singing in the bathroom, or find her suddenly practicing her piano.
"Monkey! Brush your teeth!"
"But I don't want to."
"We go through this every day Monkey, if you are going to eat, you have to brush your teeth. That is your responsibility, they need to be kept healthy and clean. So please, go brush your teeth."
"Oh, all right."
She will disappear into her bathroom and I will wait, in vain, for the sound her her electric toothbrush. More minutes will pass.
"Monkey!! Why am I not hearing you brush your teeth?"
"Oh! I needed to use the potty!" or "I wanted to change my shirt!" or "I spilled water on the floor when I was filling up my tea set instead of doing what you have asked me to do so many times that you are beginning to feel like a trained monkey!"
"Okay, well, we are running out of time, so unless you would rather have stinky breath to breathe on people all day long, please brush your teeth!"
"Okay!"

Oh my god!! She does this for every single thing I request of her... everything!!
Homework, dinner, room cleaning, socks, shoes, jackets, baths, shower, etc. Everything takes more than one request, usually more than two! Sometimes I feel as though all I ever do is repeat myself!!
It makes me want to stomp my feet and scream "WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!!"
I will be driven bat-poo-crazy by the time she reaches sixteen, when I will have to write the great american novel, just to get her teeth cleaned!!

One small step for baby...

2008-04-02T18:23:00.004-04:00

There we were, eating dinner and watching Sky High, when Lee announced "Otter just walked! All on his own!".

I whipped my head around but had missed the auspicious moment by seconds.
However, a few moments later the dog walked by, and Otter left the safety of the table and tottered across after her.

All by himself.

Then he did it again, tottering from me to Monkey. Little baby step by little baby step, a huge grin plastered across his face the whole way.

Monkey was shrieking "He walked!! He walked!!! Otter can walk!" at the top of her lungs. Her shrieking made Otter shriek his little high pitched excited giggle. I laughed, Lee laughed, the dog barked. Soon the room was filled with laughter and shrill shouts, a cacophony of joyous noise.

In the middle of it all, a young man, nearly one, who happily watched his family go completely nuts, after taking his first steps.

A perfect family moment, and all three of us were here to see it happen.

We're moving to Memphis!!

2008-04-01T14:03:00.002-04:00

April Fool's!

While I am sure Memphis is lovely, and I would love to visit it someday, every book I have ever read set in Memphis has mentioned bugs of a size and nature I could not tolerate.

Therefore, there is no moving to Memphis in my future.

I will, however, hum the chorus to "Walking in Memphis", just long enough to get it stuck in your head.

Walking in Memphis
Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale
Walking in Memphis
But do I really feel the way I feel?

Why I am attached at the hip...

2008-03-31T08:21:00.007-04:00

I became an attachment parent by accident. I never studied that particular style of parenting, or even knew that my parenting style had a name. I simply followed my instincts, and parented in the way that worked the best for me.

I had my daughter, Monkey, while still in college, and therefore needed time to study, and a fair amount of sleep. I discovered that nursing and co-sleeping were the best tools at my disposal for getting a good night's sleep. So I continued to do it. Even after leaving school, I kept with it, simply because cuddling my kiddo at night seemed like the right thing to do.

As for the nursing, I found it so much easier than handling the bottles, formula, heaters, coolers, etc. I always had the food supply with me, it was easier to nurse.

Since becoming aware that I was practicing attachment parenting, I have become an advocate of many AP methods. However, like all things, I believe you have to find whatever fits you and your kids best. If you think that may be AP, I urge you to check out the API blog and website.

Attachment Parenting International (API), a non-profit organization that promotes parenting practices that create strong, healthy emotional bonds between children and their parents, has several exciting changes they would like to announce, including:

A newly redesigned web site and new logo at Attachment Parenting.org;

Attachment parenting worldwide support forums;

Parent Education Program - a comprehensive series of classes for every stage and age of child development from infancy through adulthood;

A new book based on API's Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting by API co-founders Lysa Parker and Barbara Nicholson which is expected to be available this summer;

A series of podcasts, webinars, chats, and forums with API Advisory Board members and other supporters of AP. Future events are scheduled with Dr. Bob Sears, Dr. James McKenna, and Kathleen Kendall Tacket. Check out the events page for more information.

These are just a few of many exciting things going on at API. I hope you'll stop by and check it out for yourself.

All good things must end...

2008-03-30T17:28:00.002-04:00

and my dad's visit is included in that statement. I tried to chain him in the guest room with coconut doughnuts, but somehow he was able to eat free of his bindings and escape. Sniff.

I had a great week hanging out with my Dad, but now I go back to missing him. Love you Daddy! Thank you for coming out here and spending so much time with us!

I sthwear Mr. Beer...

2008-03-29T22:18:00.002-04:00

You know what rocks? Belgium beer. Not only is it tasty, not only does it have awesome names like Gulden Draak, but it is between 9% and 12% alcohol by volume.

Sthweet.

I have been drinking lovely belgium beers with my brother today. I am feeling no pain. None at all.

It's lovely when one beer turns you into a goon.

We flew a little remote controlled plane in the freezing cold with no jackets, we hit the bowling alley and tennis courts via the Wii, and we listened to my Dad and Roomie legalize Marijuana through a lengthy policy review process.

Things are good... so long as I don't drive anywhere.

Haiku Friday

2008-03-28T09:24:00.003-04:00

Morning comes early
three, four, five, five-ten a.m.
sleep baby please sleep.

Bleary mommy naps
wrapped under a sweatshirt
on the comfy couch.

Happy baby laughs
swatting mommy with his hand.
Wake up mommy, smack!

Five is too early
Sleep baby, please let me sleep.
Smack please baby, smack.

Find More Haiku's Here
Find more of my Haiku's Here

The Worst Hard Time...

2008-03-27T23:20:00.004-04:00

Today we saw Horton Hears a Who with Marlena, Da, and my friend Susan and her kids. It was a surprisingly good movie, and stayed relatively close to D.R. Seuss. I was pretty happy with it, and Marlena really enjoyed it. Tomorrow my brother comes into town, and we will be enjoying some additional familial silliness.

As for now, I am off to bed with a copy of The Worst Hard Time, a book my Dad got me on the Dust Bowl in the 1930's. We have farmland in eastern Colorado, and I have been trying to help Dad figure out what to do with the land when the time comes to pass it on. Do we donate it? Sell it to a land trust? Seed it and let it go? There are so many options. He got the book in the hope it would give me a better understanding of that part of the State, and therefore a better idea of what we should do with our portion when and if it passes to my brother and I.

It is a complicated decision, but I am excited to learn more about the phenomenon of the plains in our country. Most people don't realize the historical and environmental significance the displacement of prairie grasses played on our eco-system. The farmland we use in Colorado is really best suited to grassland, as the soil will simply up and blow away during drought if there is no grass to keep it in place. During the droughts in the Great Depression, the land had been over utilized for farming for years beforehand, the topsoil would just lift off the ground and blow away. At one point, in a single afternoon, on April 14, 1935, double the dirt than was moved for the construction of the Panama Canal was lifted into the air and thrown about the plains. (That's more than 300,000 tons of Great Plains topsoil.) The actions we took on the Great Plains during the first part of the twentieth century resulted in dirt storms that caused pneumonia, black outs, and other environmental phenomena far more dramatic than anything our generation has witnessed.

Oop... I hear the sounds of a particularly snuggly young man demanding more of his mother's attention. Otter and Monkey both have been extra glommy ever since Dad and I went into the City. I have been covered in crawling, snuggly children for days. I am going quite mad really.

A picture may be worth a thousand words...

2008-03-26T22:37:00.008-04:00

But there is no replacement for Daddy hugs. Here are a few gems from the past few days with my dad:

Dad and the Kids outside the Bear Mountain Visitors Center.

Dad and Otter share a cool breeze outside the Visitors Center.

Otter finds Dad's nose at the park.

Monkey helps her baby brother figure this playground stuff out.

Dad and Monkey escort Otter to the park.

A Panoramic of Dad, Monkey, Otter and Myself at West Point in front of the Hudson. (There was no tripod, only car, so I got most of their heads)

Monkey Flies on the Swings.

Monkey fills Da in on the plan.

West Point

2008-03-25T21:09:00.007-04:00

Today Dad and I took the kids up to West Point for a short tour and a look at a solid bit of American Military history. We drove up the Palisades Parkway and through what I am sure is lovely scenery when luscious and alive, instead of dry and dead. The drive was pleasant, the baby slept most of the ride there, and Monkey was in high spirits, playing "I Spy" and singing along with the radio.

We stopped in Highland Falls and went into the Visitors Center and the Museum. Monkey really enjoyed looking at all the heavy artillery, and loved going around with her Da looking at the swords, muskets, canons, and tanks. We saw a diorama of the Battle of Saratoga, a civil war field doctor's kit, a WWII field doctors kit, and a myriad of other tools of war. Then we ate at Suzie's, a little restaurant boasting 371 Hot Dog topping combinations (including one called the Lithuanian, containing mashed potatoes and sauerkraut) and 54 separate Hamburger combinations. I, of course, had a dog with relish and mustard (apparently called a 'sweet dog') and cheese fries. These fries turned out to be the best cheese fries I have ever had. A warm plate of potato slices friend crispy and then slathered in cheese, salt and spices. It may even be worth the two hour drive to go back there is summer and consume more of these tasty little fries.

After lunch we went onto West Point, took a short tour through the campus, and then the kids and I hung out in the cafeteria area while Dad conducted his interview with the Assistant Dean.

We snapped a ton of pictures of the gray castle like structures and surrounding Hudson, but my computer is turtle-esqe tonight, so I can't load them. Here instead is a picture of Monkey and Da in front of the Abrams Gate:

Ack!! Almost missed it!

2008-03-24T23:34:00.002-04:00

I almost didn't post anything today! I almost missed NaBloPoMo. Ack!!

Luckily, I just snuck this in!

We are off to West Point tomorrow, for a visit to see where my dad spent Vietnam. It should be a great experience. I am excited to share it with him and the kids.

See you tomorrow, I am off to bed.

They make you pay...

2008-03-23T22:07:00.004-04:00

My mother always used to say that she really paid for it anytime she left the house without her kids (namely... well, me and my brother.) She would go out for an evening of wine and frivolity and inevitably return to stomach flu, or a head injury, or weeks of clinging, needy children.

I always thought my mother had a flair for the dramatic. There was no way we were that bad.

Ha.... ha ha .... HA!

I got home from many wonderful hours in NYC with my Dad, lost in the humorous and magical world of Broadway's SPAMALOT. I was calm, mellow, relaxed. I had conversations uninterrupted by the anyone chirping the word "Mommy?". It was divine.

Then they made me pay.

The baby nursed...forever. Okay understandable, and snuggly, and cute.

I can deal.

Then came bedtime, and the screaming, kicking, crying thirty or so minutes of torment devised by my six year old. You see... she had something in her eye. She needed some Visine to help get it out. However, she didn't want me to put the Visine into her eye, so after much screaming and fighting, I agreed to give up and let her go to sleep without Visine. This decision resulted in thirty or so minutes of screaming, kicking, and crying about how much she needed the Visine.

Sigh.

Then, the cat threw up in the laundry room.

And my bedroom.

And her bedroom.

And the Living Room.

Right... and under my desk where I stepped in it when sitting down to blog.

Because my mom is not overly dramatic. She is right.

They really do make you pay.

See my cup?...

2008-03-22T10:16:00.003-04:00

It's runnething over.

My Dad is here!! I picked him up around midnight last night and he is now upstairs happily ordering a colorful paper lunch and invisible coffee from a certain young purveyor of fine cuisine.
There is an air of contentment in the house. I am happier, Monkey is happier, even (or especially) the dogs are happier. (Dad lets Bella sleep with him at night, so she is incredibly happy to have him visit. In fact, she would like him to move in.)

We have him for nine days!! I am looking forward to some park visits, conversations, and hang out time. We are also seeing Spamalot tomorrow in NYC, and West Point on Tuesday. It will be a nice long visit.

It's been too long between hugs, so I going to bask in his glow for a while. Have a good weekend!

Haiku Friday

2008-03-21T08:46:00.002-04:00

"You are my best friend"
My daughter whispered to me.
Tears sprung to my eyes.

Thank you my dearest
Those are the most wonderful
words I've ever heard.

Find More Haiku's Here
Find more of my Haiku's Here

Sleepless in New Jersey

2008-03-20T08:45:00.003-04:00

I know, far less romantic than Seattle, and not a Tom Hanks in sight.

We are battling some weird cold thing here. The baby has a little smoker's cough (I swear, it sounds just like a smoker's cough!), and I am sore throated and bleary eyed. Thankfully, the husband performed miracles for me last night, in the form of sweeping, mopping, de-cluttering, and taking out the trash.
Sniff.
I told him it meant more to me than him waiting on me hand and foot with tea and kleenex.
I have a Moms Club event at my house this morning, and had to have the house clean. I just couldn't find the umph needed to take it beyond picked up. Thankfully, he did. Bless you dear!!

I am a really lucky woman, and I recognize that I don't always recognize that. My husband rocks. He is always willing to help out at home, he is a great provider, he is fantastic with the children, and he can cook. I don't have to nag him to get assistance with laundry, dishes, or other housework. He is also funny, and silly, and willing to let me be silly and strange (which is a real bonus as I am fairly silly and strange).

He is the best partner I could ask for.

Thank you honey for being so amazing! I am glad I found you!!

Mmmm... he also made me coffee.

No wicked for the rest...

2008-03-19T08:49:00.002-04:00

All right, that's it!! If I am not going to get any rest any way, I wanna be wicked!

What's wicked about being too sleepy to don makeup and cute shoes? How is spending the day trapped in the house with a cooing baby in my jammies wicked?

There is nothing remotely wicked about my life. Nothing even the tiniest bit racy!! (Well, okay, the quiche I made the other day with heavy whipping cream might have been a bit wicked.)

But regardless of the relative innocence of my days, there is no rest for me. My commanding officer is up at all hours, all nights, trying to hit a new marathon nursing record or standing at our headboard kicking me in the face. Sometimes he kicks his dad too, which makes me feel better.

Sooooo sleepy.

Wasn't life a bit sexier when my sleep loss was due to being up until 3 a.m. dancing at a popular nightclub or hitting the party circuit? I was content with sleeplessness in my early twenties. Even in law school, when it was mostly due to hitting the books all night long, my sleepiness had an edge to it, a purpose. Now the only thing with an edge to it is my tone of voice when anyone asks me to do something for them.

Ugh... there is not enough coffee in the world.

The Eye?

2008-03-18T08:49:00.004-04:00

Give us the eye!!
(If you can name the movie that is from, you will seriously impress me. Mainly because you will be as much of a geek as I am, which is hard to do.)

You ever have one of those days when everything is calm and settled?

I am having one today. The bills are all paid, the kids are all healthy, the house is fairly clean, my case is mostly finished, there aren't any horrible errands to run or chores to do. I am in a lull.

I am liking the lull.

There are small things of course, Otter is teething again, so the poor baby wanders around, occasionally crying and pouring oceans of drool all over the place. Monkey is still convinced she can not listen until I have told her to go to Time Out and still somehow avoid Time Out (this results in many trips to her room). I still have to dot the i's and cross the t's in the settlement agreement.

However, there is no huge deadline lurking over my head, no giant bill that I can't quite afford to pay. It's just, mellow.

The best of all? My Daddy will be here in four days! I will have nine delicious days of Daddy visits. Monkey, Lee, and I are all so excited to see him! We are taking a trip into the city to see Spamalot together (my treat for a change), and we are going to drive up to West Point and tour his Vietnam Digs. Most importantly, we will have conversation over coconut donuts and black coffee at the Dunkin Donuts. It will be really nice to have some solid Kvetch time with him, he is one of my very best friends and advisers and I have missed talking life over with him more than just about anything else since moving so far away.

Well, I am going to pour another cup of coffee, and maybe sit and read while the calm lasts. Parenthood seems to be the eternal hurricane, so I should enjoy having the eye pass over my head, before the wind picks up again.

Last chance....

2008-03-17T09:42:00.003-04:00

I have had no takers on the Pay it Forward Craft project, but in the interest of paying it forward, I am posting the offer again. If no one wants to play with me, sniffle, I ask for suggestions of charities who would like to receive three handmade items. I will make them for your kid's school auction, or your church bazaar, or your local hospital, just let me know!

Oooh a fun new meme that allows me to gift others with something I have made!? How can I resist!? I am totally crafty like that. Ellen, at Ellen Quilts, has continued the pay it forward trend, and now, so am I.

The Rules:
1. I will make and send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment to this post on my blog requesting to join this Pay It Forward exchange. (I will email you for addresses.) Note: You have to express interest in joining the exchange, i.e. "Oooh Pick me!!".
Because I am not into stressing myself out, there will be a two month window before the gift deadline arrives. That way, I won't begin to despise the lovely people I lured into playing the game!

2. Then You will post the same offer on your blog, passing on three homemade goodies to the first three to respond with interest.

What kind of goodies? Whatever you want to try a hand at making. I am a multicrafter, though crochet is my weapon of choice, so my offerings are likely to be in the crocheted hat/handbag/scarf/basket spectrum. However, you never know what craft inspiration will strike while I leaf through old Craft Zine's and ponder your gift.

So come on! Join in the fun! Let's send something handmade out into the world!

Weekly Winners

2008-03-16T09:37:00.005-04:00

This weeks winners center around the theme of helping me out with chores! Both Monkey and Otter were pleased to assist me a lot this week.

Helping in the Kitchen

Chopping mushrooms

I can Swiff Mommy!!

Seriously Swiffing

If only I could snore...

2008-03-15T13:08:00.003-04:00

My husband snores, like a team of loggers cutting down trees. Embarrassingly enough, I apparently snore too, though I maintain that I snore only when extremely pregnant. Even Otter snores away in his baby sleep, little spurts of sound cutely puffing from his chubby little cheeks.

Snoring is something I have never considered a positive, so I was amazed when Lee told me that Monkey had been crying the other day, because she didn't snore.

"You snore, Mommy snores, even Otter snores!" she agonized between sobs, "I wish I could snore! I feel so left out!"

He didn't know where to begin, but gamely came up with an answer.
"How do you know you don't snore? You sleep in your own bed, you could snore like me, and just not know it."

She found this piece of information very comforting.

Haiku Friday

2008-03-14T08:19:00.004-04:00

Blissful Haiku day
you give me something to say
Damn NaBloPoMo.

It seems pledging posts
shatters and wrecks havoc on
my inspiration.

Wit and Cleverness
are now distant cousins here
leaving you snoring.

Maybe a new meme
another weekly gig will
animate my prose.

Couplet’s on Monday?
Terza Rima on Tuesday?
Wednesday’s Lyrics?

Free verse for Sunday?
Horatian Ode Thursday?
Saturday Sonnets?

So many options
A poetic offering
each day of the week.

When will it all end?
This NaBloPoMo craziness?
Oh yeah... in April.

Maybe for next year
I will choose February
Three less posts you know.

Find More Haiku's Here:
Find More Haiku's from me Here:

42.8 Million differences...

2008-03-13T08:55:00.004-04:00

The Bill and Melinda Gates foundation granted 42.8 million dollars to Heifer International, one of my favorite organizations in the world. Heifer International works toward ending world hunger by providing people with the tools they need to thrive. My favorite aspect of their model is their "passing on the gift" program. This aspect of their program allows the recipients of their gifts to become forces for growth and change in their communities by requiring them to pass on their gift to another person in their community.

Each time a person is provided with a gift from Heifer International, they are required to give a similar gift to another member of their community. For example, a woman who receives a dairy cow, will give one of her calves to another family in her community. It is a great way to improve the effectiveness of the donations Heifer receives, and makes a huge difference in the lives the program touches. Recipients are transformed from those needing help, to those giving it, transforming not only their resources, but their roles in their communities. (Passing the Gift Stories.)

I have often used their gift catalog to provide gifts to those people in my life who I know would prefer to help another person over getting another set of candles or bookstore gift certificate. Further, I love getting gifts from Heifer as well, I certainly don't need anymore stuff, and I feel so good knowing my birthday bought a single mother in Africa a cow, or a goat, or provided education to several children.

I am so glad they got this grant, it is the largest single donation they have ever been given, and I am thrilled with the Gates foundation for providing this organization with the resources they need to make a difference! Here is the press release about the grant:

Heifer Receives $42.8 Million Grant from Gates Foundation

LITTLE ROCK, Ark., Jan. 25, 2008 – Heifer International today announced a four-year $42.8 million grant from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation to fund a project to help poor rural farmers in East Africa double their incomes by increasing their production of high quality raw milk to sell to dairies.

The grant was announced by Bill Gates, co-chair of the foundation, as part of a package of agricultural development grants at a press conference at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. Heifer’s President and CEO, Jo Luck, also announced the grant at Heifer’s headquarters in Little Rock. It is the largest single grant to Heifer in its 63-year history.

The East Africa Dairy Development Project (EADD) will help one million people – 179,000 families – lift themselves out of poverty by developing 30 milk collection hubs with “chilling plants” where farmers will bring raw milk for pickup by commercial dairies. It will particularly target women for inclusion in both the benefits of the project and in its leadership.

Heifer will manage the project with two partner organizations, TechnoServe, a U.S.-based nonprofit that fights poverty by encouraging business development, and the International Livestock Research Institute (ILRI), an animal-research organization based in Nairobi, Kenya.

Heifer will organize farmer business associations to own and manage the chilling plants. Milk production will be increased through artificial insemination to improve local breeds of dairy cows and through improved animal nutrition. The project will provide extensive training in animal agriculture, business practices and other subjects. The project targets specific districts in Kenya, Rwanda and Uganda.

Part of the $42.8 million grant from the foundation is a $2.5 million challenge to be matched dollar-for-dollar through a Heifer fundraising campaign. With the resulting $5 million, Heifer will create an investment fund supporting the project. Heifer will mount a campaign to raise the matching funds from U.S. donors.

The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation announced the grant as part of a package of agricultural development grants designed to boost the yields and incomes of millions of small farmers in Africa and other parts of the developing world so they can lift themselves and their families out of hunger and poverty. The foundation is focused on a range of interventions across the entire agricultural value chain—from planting the highest quality seeds and improving farm management practices to bringing crops to market.

A non whiney update post...

2008-03-12T08:43:00.004-04:00

Sorry about the rather whiney nature of the past two weeks, our house has been invaded by the sick monsters! However, today, on this crisp cold morning, when all noses have been wiped and all children are healthy, I feel...cheery!

Okay, Otter still has copious snot faucet abilities, and the cutest cough I have ever heard, but he is no longer covered head to toe in a rash, nor is he feverish beyond the pale. I never thought I would be thrilled to see rivers of snot, but I am.

Monkey has avoided the flu (furiously knocking on wood) and is off at school, happily ready to face the day. (It is playground day, she is happily ready to face playground day, any day.)

I have driven the little men with pickaxes out of my skull and bade them never to return. (Evil pickaxe wielding devils.)

My roommate has begun speaking in what he refers to as "typo" while sifting through the mail.
"Grabage, grabage, grabage.... garbage...didn't misspell it that time.... grabage.... it always happens when I start typing too fast.... grabage."
It's never dull at my house, as long as you tune in and listen.

Well, now that I am well, the kids are well, and the hubby is well, I have to work today! I need to start researching my Motion for Summary Judgment in earnest. I was waiting until settlement seemed unlikely, so I wouldn't drive up the cost of the litigation. However, now it seems unlikely, so off to the online library I will go, seeking past decisions to back my case up!!

I will also have to visit the grocery store today, so my family doesn't lack milk, meat, eggs, cereal, and fruit. (I can make a lot of bean and onion soups still though!!)

Why is it the day after you have worked your tush off treating the sick is always the busiest of all.

Tiny men with pickaxes...

2008-03-11T09:28:00.003-04:00

are picking, picking, picking at my brain.
The sun is piercing in it's brightness.
Sounds make me want to cry.

It's migraine time again.

Is it really true that the baby is extra cantankerous today or am I lacking in ability to deal?
Have an inordinate number of emergency vehicles actually driven past my house this morning or am I just noticing them more?
Is there truly a significant increase in honking horns on this day's commute or do I simply have an increased sensitivity?

There seems to be no dark, no quiet, and no way to escape the tiny men with pickaxes....picking at my brain.

Funny moments...

2008-03-10T08:23:00.005-04:00

Here are a few of the random moments I have jotted down with the laudable intention of turning them into a blog post of great humor and detail. Like all such grandiose endeavors, this idea was dashed to the ground by the time consuming and chubby fists of babyhood.

So instead I bring you Humorous Highlights from the Law and Motherhood (sanitarium) household.

In the doghouse:

Devon: "The doggie dictator Pisspot returns from the peeing fields of DogBodia!"

In the Kitchen:

Lee: "By the way honey, you look beautiful, and the house looks fantastic."
Me: pause "Why are you trying to creep me out?"

At dinner:

Me: "The meat is a little salty, I was trying to do that crust thing you do, but I don’t think it worked."
Lee: grimace "No honey, it’s fine. I like salty meat, and I think it’s really interesting how you managed to get the salt in the crust to permeate all the way through the meat. Great flavor!"

Concerning "sexual relations":

Me: "The kids are asleep... we could go fool around a little."
Lee: "Oooh, we could!.... but I was going to play World of Warcraft."
Me: "Sweet! I am almost level 43! Can you take me hunting for dragonscale?"

Weekly Winners

2008-03-09T10:22:00.018-04:00

This week's weekly winners are all inspired by baby!! Enjoy the chubby cuteness!!

Brother and sister

Hold the Phone?

Got Milk?

Pudge in Profile

Baby Attack!!

Get more Weekly Winners Here

Do you feel lucky?

2008-03-08T10:52:00.004-05:00

The scene opens on a mother resting on the living room couch. She is listening to father and son in the kitchen. The father is doing dishes, having placed the infant son in his high chair with an empty oatmeal tube to play with.
Mother hears the soft thud of the oatmeal tube again and again, as the baby enthusiastically pushes it off the highchair tray and onto the floor, gleefully leaning forward as he watches it fall and bounce.

Thud

Thud

Thud

The thudding stops.

"Young man," says the father "there are only so many times I am going to pick that up for you. So, you've got to ask yourself... Do you feel lucky?"

The mother cracks up.

Seven Days and Seven Nights...

2008-03-07T07:27:00.006-05:00

Sadly not a Cruise
around the fair Greek islands
in a red sarong.

Seven Days and Nights
spent watching over fevered
children in their beds.

Seven days of tears
seven nights of sleeplessness
Mommy needs a break.

(See more Haiku's)

Monkey began the long week with Strep last Friday, and stayed home sick and miserable through Tuesday morning. Just as I sent her off to school and snuggled down with the wee babe, he spiked a fever of 104, and has been battling it ever since. As I indicated in last night's dreary post, he has the flu.

So here I am, peeking around the corner at another weekend, having survived five straight days home alone with ill children. I am a little worn out, very sleep deprived, and I swear dehydrated. It feels like the baby is trying to nurse every drop of liquid out of my body.

All night long he clung to me, nursing away his misery and illness. I know the doctor said to limit his nursing, but after trying to calm him every other way I know, I went with my gut and just gave him the boob. I don't think having a flu ridden baby scream for two hours is better for him than breastmilk. The only thing he might do is throw up more, but so far, he has kept it down.

I would be unsurprised if Monkey comes down with the flu, and if she does, I am going to slam my head into the nearest desk, hard.

We are completely out of easy to prepare food, as I have not made it to the store in a week, so I am stuck cooking serious dishes from scratch. I don't even have any brownie mix!! I am also almost out of diaper wipes, as my month Costco trip was put off due to illness.

I am going to have to venture out to the Wegman's today, or find a delivery service for these items. Hmmm.... I wonder if anything I need could be sent to me via Amazon, we have free shipping.

Is it gauche to order one's groceries online?

Le influenza...

2008-03-06T21:57:00.004-05:00

Otter has had a high fever (around 104) for the past two days. He has been to the pediatrician twice. Today, he and I spent six hours in the local ER. That is where we discovered my little man has the flu.

I am still recovering from having to lay down on top if his legs and torso while the nurse probes his baby chubby wrists and hands, ankles and feet for a vein. After three attempts,she got his line in his little foot, and 8 ounces of saline was coursing through that line into his system.

Six and a half hours later we are home, snuggled up with orders to lower the breastmilk intake and increase the pedialite. The only problem? He won't drink the pedialite, and he wants the breastmilk.

I understand the instructions were intended to help his little tummy settle and limit or halt further vomiting, but I would rather he drink something, and get thrown up on, than have him drink nothing.

Well, he woke up, so I am off to bed. See you tomorrow. With a flu stricken baby, I will likely see no one but you, my darling blog friends, for quite some time.

The blogger you are trying to reach...

2008-03-06T10:03:00.002-05:00

can't come to her blog right now. She is currently trapped under a screaming, crying, vomiting, feverish baby. Please leave a message after the tone, and she will get back to her regularly scheduled posting in the event the fevered baby ever sleeps.

Beep

Pay it Forward Exchange and a clean green giveaway!

2008-03-05T07:19:00.005-05:00

Breakfast for Bella...

2008-03-04T10:06:00.005-05:00

Otter really likes to feed people, he gets great joy out of pulling a half masticated, drool covered piece of food out of his mouth and shoving into yours. He grins like mad, and afterwards, will clap happily, proud of his ability to feed you.

His family members, myself included, have gotten very good at avoiding the sodden offerings. This makes Otter sad, as he loves to share.

Yesterday, he found one family member who didn't mind at all.

Bella loves Otter's special breakfast offerings, and will gobble them up with glee, making baby a happy little man.

Thank you for taking one for the team Bella, our more discerning palates really appreciate it.

In other news... Mandy at Not Another Mom Blog is hosting an online Primary Party today! Stop on over, bring some virtual snacks and join in!

Delusional with a side of vanilla!!

2008-03-03T08:32:00.005-05:00

Monkey has strep. We took her to the doctor on Friday, and they hopped her up on anti-biotics but the antibiotics don't seem to be helping her feel much better. She still has a really sore throat, a cough, and a runny nose. In addition, she is delusional.
Yes, I said Delusional.
She spent all day yesterday staring at her father and me and telling us our heads were too small. She would then rub her eyes, shake her head a little, and then stare at us for a minute before again pronouncing our heads tiny.
After a bewildered call to her pediatrician, I learned that delusions are a side effect that occurs in some small number of children who take antibiotics for strep.
Oh.
Yay for us! We are rare! I was advised to "not ask her repeatedly if my head is still small, as it would only make her focus on the issue and become a way of getting attention."
Right.
Well, there go my plans for the day. I had fully intended on quizzing my daughter as to the size of my head all morning long!
Hopefully the delusions will fade soon, but until they do, I am trying not to be totally creeped out.
Onto more cheerful things.

Yesterday I posted this image in my weekly winners:

Many of you responded with requests for how to make Vanilla Extract.
Here is a link to the Instructables website we used to get the recipe. Note, this is not a two step process, it will take you a day to make it. However the steps are easy to follow, and pretty self explanatory.
As for why to make it, well, you can guarantee that your extract does not have HFC added to it, and uses only natural flavors, like Vanilla bean and Vodka. Additionally, you can make it double strength, which takes twice as long, but guarantees a fantastic cooking aid.
Further, we have discovered a lovely use for the remaining beans. We split them, harvest the caviar (bean innards) and then toss them into a can of sugar. What comes out a few days later is vanilla sugar. I have been able to halve the amount of sugar I use in recipes if I replace it with vanilla sugar.
It's nice over cereal too (and in coffee I am told).

Well, this shrunken headed mom is off for some coffee. Enjoy!

Weekly Winners

2008-03-02T07:05:00.008-05:00

Melting Snowman Sorrows: A Series

Melting Snowman, Vainly covered in ice

Ice cubes failing

Melting Snowman Sorrows

Other images for the week:

Otter plays chase in his walker

A rose is a rose

Vanilla Extract in the making

A basket of possibility

Visit here for more of this weeks Weekly Winners

And now for something completely frivolous...

2008-03-01T12:19:00.006-05:00

Good morning. After our deep and meaningful political discussion yesterday I feel the need to post something utterly meaningless with no depth whatsoever. So here it is:

While nursing the baby yesterday the television was inadvertently left on the Entertainment channel. I was far from the remote, and he was busily and happily slurping away so I found myself watching a show on red carpet beauty tips.

It turns out that Julia Roberts gets her lovely glowing skin by rubbing Olive Oil into it before a red carpet event.

When Otter was done nursing, and sleeping peacefully in his crib, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror and immediately determined that there was nothing Olive Oil could do to harm my skin, as pale, tired, and utterly fagged out as it has become. So I tried it. I dipped the tips of two fingers into some Olive Oil and rubbed it into my face, neck, and shoulders.

An hour later I caught sight of my reflection again. I looked luminous. My skin was lustrous, it glowed. I looked fantastic. No make up on, nothing but Olive Oil.

I usually use Aveeno's Positively Radiant daily moisturizer when I want to get a little glimmer in my skin, but it's pricey, about $8 for 4 ounces, so I use it sparingly. The Olive Oil works better, makes my skin softer, and is much less expensive.

So there you go. Something completely shallow and meaningless, yet hopefully useful.

Haiku Friday

2008-02-29T08:09:00.002-05:00

I have been feeling the need to point out a few reasons why a person might take gender into consideration when choosing a candidate in this election. (Obviously similar reasoning would apply to race, but I am most effected by the gender issue, so that is where I am writing from.) Thank you for reading!

A Haiku about
finding that one person who
can represent you.

Why would a woman
favor another woman?
Representation.

Women face issues
unique to women, shared
by other women.

Pregnancy alters
the path of women’s careers
and not that of men.

Big boobs and buttons
aren’t high clothing concerns
in a man’s routine.

Painting on faces
starting the day behind masks,
competing always.

Will this haircut or
these shoes make them take me much
less seriously?

Women are bitches
when voicing our opinions,
with strong confidence.

Women face issues
different from those men face.
Our own challenges.

I want a woman
because I am a woman.
She represents ME.

I want this woman,
Because she is the best AND
She represents ME.

I like her issues
I approve of her platform.
I want Hillary.

The cruelty of a sleep filled night...

2008-02-28T08:34:00.004-05:00

Otter tricked me. Yesterday he slept all night long, in his crib. I slept the deep and uninterrupted sleep of a non-parent. There was no nursing, no smacking in the face, just blissful sleep.

Then last night, he woke up, got moved into my bed, and nursed forever. All night. He wanted nothing to do with being put back in his crib, or with sleeping with me.
Finally, at about 5 in the morning, I put him back in the crib with his mobile, stuffed some earplugs into my ears, and then tried not to listen to him cry until he finally fell asleep again. For an hour.

The thing is, my body, which has been adapted to perform to the best of it's ability on next to no sleep, was tainted by six and half solid hours. It broke me. Suddenly my brain remembered actual sleep. Today, I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open. I could barely drag myself out of bed. The unexpected treat of solid sleep has wrecked my coping mechanisms.

Yawn

It's going to be a long day, with not nearly enough coffee in it.

Potential...

2008-02-27T08:41:00.004-05:00

My roomie found this and shared it with me this morning, it pleased me so much, I had to share it with you!

Visit it over at ThinkGeek.

Time for a change...

2008-02-26T12:34:00.007-05:00

Change has been on everyone's minds the past few months as the campaigning for the democratic nomination surges ahead. (But I don't want to talk about that right now. It turns out I have a lot invested in this race, in a whole new way, and I have some not too rational feelings about it.)

So the change rhetoric got me thinking about changes that can be made at home, which got me thinking about my family's diet.

I try really hard to cook with organic, healthy foods. I use whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, and low or lower fat dairy. I try to ensure my family has several servings of fresh or steamed fruits and veggies at each meal. I stock the "snack shelf" in both the pantry and the fridge with fruits, yogurt, and cheese. My kids don't get chips and candy and other fatty snacks very often at all. We eat fast food and take out less than 5 times a month.

However, I realized we are still not eating very well. We still use meat as a staple, instead of a garnish, and we still eat less fiber and veggies than we should. This means more fat, and less nutrients. Therefore, yesterday marked the beginning of my new plan for feeding the family.

Last night I opened my Vegetarian Cookbook.
I baked an acorn squash sprinkled with cloves and cinnamon in 1/4 of orange juice and 1/4 of water. I made an Arugula salad with Pear slices, lemon juice, pepper and parmesean. I baked a Mushroom Pate, made with Portabella mushrooms, baby button mushrooms, red pepper, white wine, garlic, onion, red kidney beans and 12 grain bread crumbs. All told it took about an hour to prepare. However, I have pate leftovers galore, so it will make me a yummy lunch, and an excellent appetizer for dinner tonight.

Best of all, everyone loved it. Lee talked about how rich and creamy the pate was, and how filling the meal was. Even Monkey and Otter gobbled the pate up, lip smacking the whole way. I mean, my six year old ate something made with red peppers in it!!

My plan? I plan on buying a copy of the Enchanted Broccoli Forest and the Moosewood Cookbook. The I intend to base every dinner on a healthy vegetarian recipe, and to add a garnish of meat to it from time to time. If I can get my family to eat low fat, high fiber vegetarian dishes with just a touch of meat on them, then I will know I am doing my best to feed them healthy and wholesome foods.

I plan on making lots of leftovers, so the complicated dishes can last more than one meal. It will help this be less of a PITA (Pain in the ...). Tonight I plan on preparing a wholesome and creamy chickpea based soup.

Num num.

Of teeth and snowmen...

2008-02-25T09:42:00.005-05:00

Poor Otter has his eighth tooth coming in today. It's poking through the gum and causing all sorts of misery.

He is having a horrible time of it. He will cry inconsolably, and when I try to engage him in other activities he will crawl away to the new toy, only to burst into to tears again as soon as he grabs it.

He keeps turning his little sad tear filled face up to me, finger in mouth, drool pouring out onto the floor.

Every time I pick him up, he will lay his head upon my chest and cry, until he gets mad and pushes away.

It's been a hard morning.

Monkey did the cutest thing she has done in a while yesterday. She and Luke made a snowman over the weekend. The cold snowy weather didn't last beyond that day, and so her snowman began to melt, as snowmen are wont to do.

Yesterday Monkey went outside to break open some geodes she had found. I was working on the computer and not paying too much attention, but I kept hearing the door open and close. Then I heard this:

Lee: Monkey, what are you doing with that bowl of ice?
Monkey: Nothing!
Devon: Are you trying to keep your snowman alive?

At this point Monkey burst into tears. It turns out her snowman was melting, and she was bringing ice out to spread over him and keep him cold so he would stop. I gathered her up into my arms and talked to her about the transitory nature of snowmen, but she was inconsolable. She cried for over an hour, lamenting the loss of her new winterly friend.

As my mother said later, one must never give one's heart to a snowman.

Weekly Winners

2008-02-24T00:00:00.007-05:00

It was an exciting week for pictures! Otter was happy to pose with the remote, I got several really great shots of the lunar eclipse, the cat was into some fairly retro posing, and I was able to capture a snow conspiracy!! I hope you enjoy it!

A remote possibility:

Fall was here:

Moon and Stars:

Full lunar eclipse:

Partial Lunar Eclipse:

Cat in the window:

Snow is serious business:

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

2008-02-23T10:38:00.017-05:00

Oh the weather outside is frightful, but making snowmen is delightful,
Since we've no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Our friend Luke came into town this week to visit with us, and braved the damp chilly weather yesterday while he helped Monkey build a really cool snowman!! I stayed inside with the baby, except for trips out for photographic documentation. My favorite way to enjoy the cold weather is to stay inside and watch it happen without me!!

Inspired by This is not a blog, I took the superhero test. Turns out I am Superman.
I am a little perturbed at being Superman , as my husband refers to him as lawful stupid, and I have always felt I was a little edgier than the man in blue. I mean, I am no Batman, but I could at least hang with him!!

On the upside, I took the "Which SuperVillian are you" test and I am Mystique!
That's better!

Haiku Friday

2008-02-22T09:05:00.002-05:00

Snow floats cold and white
School's out this wintery day
Freedom shrieks outside.

Uncovered in play
A class of snowy angels
learns in my backyard.

Red noses and hands
cavort until they tingle
in the chilly white.

The house settles in
noise softened by snow's blanket
a cold sleepy day.

Tuck under a throw
coffee and breakfast in hand
quiet contentment.

Total eclipse of the moon...

2008-02-21T08:07:00.006-05:00

(You 80's fans out there were about ready to sing weren't you?)
Last night I captured the eclipse with my fancy smancy new camera and telephoto lens (I have a Canon Rebel). It made me want to buy a telescopic lens for further astronomical displays. I mean, clearly, the money I would spend on such a lens and the small number of chances I would have to use it would be balanced out by the awesome details I could capture. Right?

While the eclipse crept over the surface of the moon:

The moon almost fully eclipsed:

The moon fully eclipsed:

I have to say I was pleased with the detail I was able to capture with a camera, so far away from the moon. I could have stayed in the freezing cold snapping pictures all night!!

No rest for the weary...

2008-02-20T09:26:00.003-05:00

So I took the advice of many loved ones yesterday when I went to sleep early, a little before 10. Otter has been getting up so much at night, and so early in the morning, that it seemed sensible to try and sleep when he does. I also had a migraine, which added to the desire to sleep a long and restful night.

It was not to be.

He woke up at four.
FOUR!!!

Happy as a clam, ready to nurse for hours, wanting to get up, up UP MAMA!!!

Four in the morning!!

Why does he hate me so?

What did I ever do to him, that he would taunt me with increasingly ghastly rising hours??

How on earth do I get him to sleep longer? We are co-sleeping, and he will just sit up and start smacking us around until we get up too.

Should I set the crib up again and shove him in it at four in the morning with a stuffy and a toy or two? Should he and I just get up before the sun and wander downstairs to stare at each other in the cold dark of night?

I have no ideas here, probably because I have no sleep. Poor Lee got up with him about 5:30, after I tried for an hour to nurse and soothe him back to bed. He sent me to sleep in the other room for an hour before heading off to work.

I wish I could drink more coffee, without making my situation even worse.

Of course, now he has fallen asleep in his jumper. Stinker.

Touchy Topic Tuesday...Two?

2008-02-19T08:37:00.005-05:00

Awake √
Dressed √ (in jammies, but not naked!!)
Children dressed √
Children fed √
Cats fed √
Dog fed √
Eldest off to school √
Bottle of Prune juice for breast-fed but somehow plugged up baby √
Yesterday's coffee mug removed from desk √
Today's coffee mug, full of steaming coffee, placed lovingly on desk √
Piles of work to do √
Blogging anyway √

Welcome back to Touchy Topic Tuesday, that day when I vent my spleen, or, lacking a spleen of my own, troll the blogosphere for the vented spleens of others.

Life with Quilts features a statement in defense of home birth, including links to some interesting facts and statistics about birthing at home.
Birth is such a personal and touchy subject. I personally believe history speaks volumes, and women's needs and bodies have long been ignored by the medical establishment. However, many of the doctors I worked with on my last pregnancy and delivery were willing to explore alternative birth options, and pain management options. So hopefully we are seeing a bit more common sense used in our OB's, when it comes to allowing for a positive birth experience.

Mom 101 brought up the issue of germs and infants this week in her post I'll take that Hazmat Suit in a 2T please.
The problem with germ paranoia is that over protecting your infant can pose a risk to their health. A baby's immune system grows and develops by responding to the bacteria and germs the baby encounters. Keeping your home too clean and your baby too protected can actually harm them. Helium has a good short article on the subject.
As for the public bathrooms, obviously it depends on the room itself, but I certainly know I don't clean and disinfect my bathroom every four hours, so the public restroom at Target is likely to have less bacteria than my bathroom at home. (Although it is other people's bacteria, which is gross.) Remember! The dirtiest place in any public bathroom is the door!

As for my own kvetch of the week? I am still on the Hillary thing.
I have been making phone calls on her behalf all week, and doing so has made me feel better. I have spoken with women across the nation who feel as I do, that it is our time, that it is time to have a woman represent us, that they have always been able to vote for a man, and now it is time to fight for our woman. Speaking with them has given me hope. I am not a member of a small majority of women who believe choosing an intelligent, savvy and experienced candidate who is a woman is a good thing, I am part of a large group of women. Women who have waited their turn, women who want it now.
So I am calling for Hillary, and if you believe as I do, I am calling on you. Go to HillaryClinton.com and register to make phone calls.
Make a difference, let's raise our fists and break that glass ceiling, there simply is no reason to wait any longer.

No sleep and too little coffee...

2008-02-18T10:06:00.004-05:00

make mommy go... something...something.

Otter has started to get up at 6 a.m.

I abhor six a.m.

Six a.m. is the time I have to get up for court, it was the time I had to get up to work my crappy entry level job an hour's drive away, it was the time I had to get to get to my insane morning torts class.

Six a.m. is an insufferable time to start my daily routine, it is an abberant time, a warped time of the morning, in between dark and light. A time out of time.

Especially when he really gets up about 5 a.m., but nurses with me in a quasi-doze for an hour before I finally resign myself to my fate and haul my enervated carcass out of bed.

Kick
"Come on Otter... go back to bed."
Kick,kick
"Ma ma mamamamamamamamamama ma... Da da dadadadada... Ma Da MamaDa"
Smack, punch, kick.
Foot in the face.
"Oh all right, I'll get up."

I detest everyone and everything at that time of the day, the cat snuggled next to me is stifling, my husband's blissful snoring is irksome, the baby's determination is maddening, the stairs are too long, the floor is too hard, the couch is intolerable.

The first glimpse of the sun is met with the sentiment "Curse you life giving star!"

Then the coffee beans get ground...
and the first wafts of the delectable brew permeate the fog around my consciousness.
With the first sip, the cranky lines around my eyes fade.
With the second sip, I feel as though I might let people live.
With the third, I am human again.

I thank the java gods for their bounty. It appears to be the key to my parenting skills.

Weekly Winners

2008-02-17T13:32:00.009-05:00

Here are my favorites photos for the week!

Lollipop Love:

Freedom to run:

A bella Bella:

A masquerading Valentine:

Furr in Profile:

Her Highness will see you now:

A lolly for me?...

2008-02-16T13:55:00.008-05:00

What's that you have sister?
Is it sticky like tar?
It looks like something you've sneaked me,
while mom was driving the car.

I'll reach for it and whimper
my head moving side to side
with my arms outstretched
and my mouth open wide.

Please... oh please...

Wait, what is this?
Mommy's noticed my act...
is that... a lolly for me??
Yes it is, in fact!!

oooh! It's easy to hold,
and sticky and sweet!

I can put it in my mouth,
and smear it head to feet!

It's fun to rub on my eyebrow
and drag through my hair!

I can smear it all over myself
and my chair!!

Oh look, Mommy's back,
she's appalled at the mess!
All she says is:
"Off the shower I guess!"

Haiku Friday...

2008-02-15T08:18:00.008-05:00

Walking home alone
a step into adulthood
edging closer now.

Freedom plays music
across your baby features
fashioning them grown.

Every day steps
inconsequential and small
make you more mature.

You get your own snacks,
You have friends I'll never meet
now you walk alone.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monkey started walking home alone this week, for the first time ever! It is really only one block to walk, but still marks such a step for her! She is growing so fast. I can't believe my baby is walking home on her own.

Valentine's day was good, Monkey made us a card, I made roast and apple pie, and Lee brought me a book of the world' 500 best trips, and told me I get to choose where we go next! I am so excited! Do I choose Greece? Spain? Alaska? Where to go!?!

It was a fun night, and now we are relaxing on our day off, home in our jammies and doing not a whole lot.

Voices for Hillary...

2008-02-14T00:00:00.006-05:00

I believe in Hillary Clinton.
I believe in her as a lawyer, a citizen, a mother, a democrat, a liberal, and as a woman.
Women in this culture have been in the background, standing behind and beside the great men of our nation...forever.
It is time for that to change. It is time for a woman to stand and be counted among the great leaders of this great nation, not as a wife or mother of a leader, but as a leader.
It is time for this woman.
Hillary Clinton is my candidate. She is the best candidate for this presidency. She has the most experience, the best chance of working with the status quo to implement changes, the best thought out plans and ideas for fixing the problems facing this nation.
She is also a woman.
I am proud to say that this time, in this election, I want to vote for this woman.
She speaks with my voice,
she understands my challenges,
she represents ME.
I am 32 years old.
I have never cast a ballot for a woman president.
This year that will change.
I will stand up for this. I will stand up for her.
I will make calls, I will donate money, I will blog, and comment, and debate.
I will be heard.
I will be heard because when I am,
I will vote for the candidate with my message,
my voice,
and it will be heard across the nation.
-Scylla

Please welcome my second guest blogger ever, Yvonne Montgomery Ewegen, with her thoughts on the matter.

The Gender Card

YES, WE CAN—IF WE WANT TO

WOMEN VOTERS CAN DETERMINE THE OUTCOME OF 2008 ELECTION—there are more of us! If we want to elect the first woman president of the USA, we can. We can have a leader in the Oval Office who has a female point of view. Imagine that.
Yes, Hillary lost the Potomac Primaries last night. Momentum appears to be on Obama’s side. But, but—Obama is on a roll that involves relatively few voters. Most of his delegate total is the result of caucuses, which represent very few highly-committed supporters: not a cross-section.

AND MAY WE TALK ABOUT FLORIDA AND MICHIGAN?
Hillary won big-time in FL, though she didn’t campaign there. No one did, though some of Obama’s national ads were aired. She won Michigan, too. Thanks to the national committee of the Democratic Party, none of those votes count, so the huge bump Hillary should have had never materialized. Ya gotta be lucky as well as good in the political game. (The Republicans penalized the two states by taking away only half of their delegates.)

PLAY BY THE RULES, PAY YOUR DUES, WAIT YOUR TURN.
That’s been the litany for both women and African-Americans. I could see the excitement about Obama if he had the time in grade, the experience, and the more impressive résumé. What has Obama done to justify the excitement he evokes? He has a great speech, a rousing, emotional speech, but what else? Hillary has worked for 35 years, and has accomplished legislation that has improved the lives of American citizens. See www.hillaryclinton.com She has worked with Republicans to get that legislation passed. With the Congressional Quarterly (a non-partisan publication) rating Obama as the most liberal member of the Senate, I have scant hope that he’ll work well with the conservative members of Congress. What will get done?

THE MOST DISHEARTENING THING is the young women I encounter who think sexism is dead, and who have apparently entered the “post-feminist” era I saw mentioned the other day next to a photo of a scantily-dressed woman with great legs. Say what? I take comfort in a young friend’s remark: “I’m for Hillary. I can vote for a man any time.”
Now’s your chance to support the woman.

WE CAN ELECT HILLARY CLINTON PRESIDENT. YES WE CAN.
--Yvonne Montgomery Ewegen

Come, speak up, be heard.

Working with an infant...

2008-02-13T10:37:00.007-05:00

Hahaha HA!!!

Soooo..... trying to work from home with a small and determined time sucking device attached to your hip is an exercise in frustration! However, as I need to meet statutory deadlines in my line of work, I have to do it. So here are the tools I employ to make it possible.

To begin with, I create more than one daytime play "area". Otter has two play centers, one is an exersaucer, one is a jumper. He also has a play area right by my desk, with toys and books, and one in the living room (which I can see from my desk or work in with my laptop.) I call them 'daytime' areas because they are easily and quickly packed up and put out of the way in the evening when everyone is home and we need more space. That way, his area's can interfere with walkways and other shared spaces, because he only uses them when no one but the two of us is home.

I begin my day with whichever play area he is happy in, then while he tools around in his space, I work.

When he begins to complain about his activity, I will scoop him up, cuddle a bit, nurse or play, and then set him in play area number two. Note: This is key! Do not simply pluck the baby up, and then plop them down in the next play zone without first responding to their plea for your attention. It will not work. They will not play. If you take the time to snuggle and play with them for a bit before moving on, you will be much more successful. Also, moving Oliver to another play area may at times take a rotation through all available play areas until we find one that makes him really happy. This might also take an offering of Goldfish or dried apples.

Once he is settled again, I sit down to work.

When he is no longer happy with my attention being focused on something other than him, I bring him over to my desk in his high chair and give him a snack while I work. I try and keep things that I can do while multi-tasking reserved for this time of day, so I can successfully work and play with him. When he begins to protest this set up, I will settle down with him for a solid block of snuggling, nursing, or playing, before trying it all again.

If this doesn't work, I will bring out the big guns.

What are the big guns? Things he cannot otherwise have.
For example:

A container of baby wipes. He rejoices in pulling wipe after wipe out of the convenient container and tossing them on the floor. When desperate for work time, I will clean the floor under his highchair really well, grab a lunch baggie, and set him in his chair with a container of wipes. He will while away my work time while happily removing a wipe, studying a wipe, and then discarding the wipe. When he tires of this activity, I will pick up all the wipes, plop them into the baggie, stuff that in my diaper bag for use on the go, and send him to a different activity.

A remote control. He loves to use the remote control, he finds it to be the most magical of all tools in the house, next to keyboards. I will hand him an old remote with the batteries taken out and set him in his play area with it. This will usually buy me a long time to work, as he never gets to play with it unless I am desperate for work time. The same goes for an old cell phone.

Television. When I absolutely am desperate for work time, I will place him in one of his living room play areas, give him a snack, and allow him to watch Little Bill, Little Bear, or the Sunny Side Up Show. All three make him smile and laugh. This will usually buy me about 30 minutes, or if I am really lucky, an hour.

The front door. Our front door has a window in it that Otter can see out of. If I set up a cozy space near the door and place him in it, he will usually watch the outside world for a while.

Kitchen tools. Handing him a series of baking pans and some spoons with set him a banging for a bit. (This only works if you can either work with noise, or wear ear plugs.)

The biggest key to carving out time in the day to work, is being aware that the time will not be contiguous. You will not get three straight hours to immerse yourself in something unless your child takes a long, and consistent nap. Mine does not.
Therefore, prepare to be interrupted, take the interruptions as opportunities to play for a bit and have a break. Make sure to fulfill your baby's need for attention during those breaks, so that redirecting their attention to another center or toy is effective. If I don't take the time in between each center to cuddle and coddle, he doesn't play as long, or as cheerfully, and we both get cranky and frustrated!

So there you have it, my daytime work routine. I wanted to share it because it took me many months of tearful frustration to develop a method that would allow me to get in any real work during the day and I thought I might save someone else from some of that frustration by sharing my techniques.

Oh, there he goes, bidding for another cuddle break!! (Blogging counts as work too you know!)

It's Touchy Topic Tuesday!! A colorful protest on the comics page, Lead Levels in Toys, and more....

2008-02-12T09:46:00.001-05:00

Thank you for joining me in today's issue of Touchy Topic Tuesday, the day when I post about all those lovely issues that anger me, or open me up to snarky comments. (Okay, today is the first of such days, but why not Colbert a little and make it sound as though I have done this before!)

Minority cartoonists protested the lack of diversity on our comics pages this past sunday with a series of cartoons intended to illustrate the homogeneity of our sunday comics. The protest began when cartoonist Cory Thomas, of Watch your Head was turned down by papers who claimed to already have their "black comic strip" signed up, thereby not needing another one.

The cartoonists drew the same comic, in their individual styles, to protest the lack of comics representing minorities and minority cultures.

The protest is covered in more depth and detail in the Washington Post.

I think this is an artistic and unique protest that will hopefully bring the current lack of diversity in our comics pages into the light. It frankly never occurred to me to analyze the comics strips for diversity, but now that I look at them, it simply isn't there. There is no reason papers should refuse to accept strips drawn by minority artists simply because they already have one on their page. That is the barest of nods to the creativity of minorities in our country, as well as an insult. It's not as if the humor of a black cartoonist is only going to be funny to black readers.

Thanks to Ben for sending me the info on this protest, it was definitely worthwhile.
* * * * *
MOM-101 brings renewed awareness to the levels of lead in our children's toys with her post Are our Kids Safe From Lead. Her post is inspiring and insightful. Please read it. It is truly frightening how much our children are still at risk and how little the Toy industry seems to be doing about it. (Maybe it's time to investigate a class action toxic tort or two... is that a lawsuit I smell?)
* * * * *
In other news, the Bush administration is preparing to open millions of acres of public lands in Colorado, Wyoming, and Utah for fossil fuel extraction from Oil Shale and Tar Sands. This will release a great deal of greenhouse gas into the atmosphere, along with ravaging the landscape. Of course, it's too much to expect the Bush admin. will attempt to seek alternative fuel methods, but in an attempt to encourage them to do so the Center for Biological Diversity is urging people to write into the Bureau of Land Management and protest this decision.

You can mail your comments to:
Sherry Thompson, BLM Project Manager
BLM Oil Shale and Tar Sands Draft Programmatic EIS
Argonne National Laboratory
9700 S. Cass Ave.
Argonne IL 60439

Please submit your comments by March 20, 2008

So there it is... three touchy topics for this tuesday, ranging from race, to the environment. Enjoy your day and see you tomorrow.

Sloganized!!

2008-02-11T14:28:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Hatchet, I am getting slogan fever!

And my personal favorite:

A Marlena Moment....

2008-02-11T07:19:00.001-05:00

We were watching National Geographic's Six Degrees could change the world last night. Monkey was really interested in watching it, and begged to be allowed to stay up. We agreed to let her watch the first hour.

She was really upset by the possible effect of global warming. We explained to her that this was a projection, and one that would occur after her lifetime, but she was still worried.

When I asked her what she was worried about, she told me she was really worried about Otter. I asked why. She said she wanted him to grow up and have a full and happy life, and she was afraid that wouldn't happen if global warming got too bad.

I was incredibly touched by her concern for her brother. I think it's funny that she views herself to be so much older than him that she doesn't have the same concern for herself, but it is very sweet to be so worried for him.

I explained to her that she and Otter should both be able to grow up without these intense environmental conditions, but while I was doing so, I realized I could no longer make the soothing assertion that their children could as well. We will likely see the increased storms and drought conditions, along with some of the other scary climate changes, within our children's lifetimes, as for their children, who knows?

I don't see our world making the necessary changes in the immediate future, there are still people out there who don't believe there is anything going on.