Thursday, August 24, 2006

(Another soapbox moment)

Don't marry insecure, incompetent, and unintelligent men. A response to the article in Forbes.

So, I just read the article in Forbes entitled "Don't marry career women." Link Below.

http://agreatnotion.livejournal.com/553587.html

It is safe to say that the author of this article is one incredibly closed minded fool. He cites to several reasons for his urging against joining your life with that of a career woman, but the most precious in my mind is his examination of the "economic theory" of marriage. He says marriages are less happy when the woman is working because traditionally, men handled the necessary "Market" portion of the family economy, and women handled the "non-market" portion of the economy. He cautions that this non-market work must get done, implying that working women don't do it, resulting in higher divorce rates. Umm... Okay.... hmmm....maybe more men should learn how to wield a broom, or wait, with your higly increased family income, hire a cleaning person!! That's a great idea!! In a choice between keeping your 90k a year lawyer wife home with the kitchen earning no imcome, or spending a small portion of the family income on a housekeeper, I would rather have the extra 60-75k!!

Here's an even better one!! He states that statistics show that marriage where both partners are working result in more divorces than marriage in which only one partner is working. Ok, sure, but.... why is the default, Man Works?? Why not have your career woman, marry a stay at home man!! YES! Extremely modern unthought of concept, I know! Two people working in a marriage causes the marriage to fail, maybe whoever makes more money should be the one to work. Not just the men.

My favorite, lovely comment of his: "When your spouse works outside the home, chances increase they'll meet someone they like more than you." Hmmm.... so men who work outside the home are more likely to meet someone they like more than their wives, but that's okay. However, if women work, they are more likely to leave their husbands for a co-worker. This argument is based on the societal construct that a woman's infidelity is more damaging/inappropriate than a man's. Like a woman's viriginity, her fidelity is more societally valued than a man's is.

I will tell you what! If I were this man's wife, and I had beyond a 6th grade education, I would leave him anyway. Obviously, he lacks the creativity necessary to make any worthwhile marriage work. Rather than seeking unusual or alternative solutions to the problems presented in a dual career family, he simply thinks women should go back to the kitchen (and the 1950's) and stand by their men.

Thank you for listening to my rant.

Your highly educated, career oriented, happily married, Denver Woman.

3 comments:

tek said...

Well, one reason I can think of that one income families DON'T end in divorce as often might be because...she can't AFFORD to leave! There you are, educated or not, but without a job or job experience. Your married life sucks, but your creature comforts are handled. Who, exactly, is going to hire this person so that she can leave her obnoxious (or just lame) husband? How is she going to afford the rent, car payment, food, insurance, children (if any), etc. without a job or skills with which to GET a job?

While the working woman is probably autonomous and stays because she WANTS to.

The author never thought of that one, eh?

I also have many other thoughts about the fidelity and virginity thing, but that's for another day. I have to walk Caitlin to SCHOOL in the morning.

Aiee!

woman at the well said...

I begin with a caviat - this does not apply to Ellen - but it has been my observation that frequently successful men want sweet, easily manipulated women. They'll go for a trophy wife (who frequently outmanipulates the sweet wife) but that's because they are trading in a life accessory for a fashion accessory. (another topic altogether.) Its just easier to have the little woman bobbing along in your wake like a life raft being towed by a big boat. Its easier even if you have to buy her stuff or pay for expensive weddings for your children to shut her up. It really doesn't have much to do with employment - I've seen some of these "sweet" women in the workforce - but frequently, they are housewives.

It has also been my observation that unsuccessful, lazy men want a take-charge successful woman. If you're a co-dependent type, you can fall for that.

You can have all the group dynamics - family meetings - that you like, but one person ends up being in charge. It only really works if the person in charge makes decisions from a position of "servant leadership" - that is, for the good of the family, not solely themselves. Man or woman, if you know the person making the decisions truly is trying to advance the family with the family's best interests at heart, you'll willingly go along. Otherwise, in any group, the most selfish person wins. And, the "sweet" wife can end up being the most selfish person - if she spends tons of money, whines about the man not earning enough or working long hours (there's a contradiction) - she'll drive him into the ground.

There's not an easy answer to any of this ...

Scylla said...

I agree with you both! Great responses btw...

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