Firsts...

This week was my Father's first visit out to see us in New Jersey, the first time Otter met his Grandfather, Monkey's first school field trip. and my first solo stint with two children.
Daddy got here Tuesday, and we enjoyed his visit so much. Otter was a little uncertain about the usefulness of another "boob-less" person in the house, but Dad won him over by Thursday with songs and snuggles. He even got a few "ear to ear jobs" as Dad calls baby grins.
Otter sleeping on Da:
Da singing to Otter:

Monkey played a number of rousing games of "Go-Fish" with her Da, and he actually won a few of them. (She is quite the card shark and never forgets a card someone has asked for.) Da also chaperoned her field trip to the Staten Island Zoo. He was a very brave man to volunteer to ride an hour or so on a bus with 20 chattering kindergarteners. They had a nice time, and Monkey was able so show her Da off to her classmates.
Da and Monkey off to the field trip:

Monkey excited about her field trip:
Monkey has had a hard time with Otter taking some of her thunder, and my Dad went a long way to reminding her that she is a sweet and special little girl, and that she is still a star, albeit one who has to share the spotlight from time to time.

Bella, our dog, got to snuggle in the guest bed with Dad at night, while Andy, our other dog, tried to win me over by staying in the bedroom.(It's didn't work, she is still not allowed to eat off the kitchen counter.)

Lee left for his conference on Thursday morning. Otter and I dropped him at the train station at 4:30 am. Ugh. Once he was gone a strange thing occured, I began waking up covered in cats. All three of them crept onto the bed and slept there, Rue above the baby, Chloe at my feet, and Hazel at my side.

As for me, I got to have several days of daddy hugs, and conversation over a shared beer or cup of coffee. He and I used to have coffee about once a week on his way to work, and I was really missing the chance to build castles in the air with him. It was great to have a chance for leisurely conversation, even if we had to sneak it in between the needs of the kiddos.

Of course today we had to take him to the airport, and we cried like babies all the way home, except for the baby, who slept. Monkey said "Nama and Da are just so special to me, and now they live there and we live here, it's not fair! I can't wait to live there again!"
Oh honey, how very much I agree with you.

Agoo or poo...

(Apple hat courtesy of Ariel Benjamin, Thanks Ariel!! It's so cute on him!)

Agoo or Poo?

Yes, the language and facial displays of babies can be decieving. Otter has been working very hard to express himself lately, both verbally, and physically. When he tried to talk, he will often scrunch up his face, turn red, and say "agoo". When he poops he will often scrunch up his face and turn red as well, leaving the family to guess at his intentions... Agoo or Poo?

Mom goes home tomorrow, and we will miss her dearly. Oh how I want to move back home, into my parents house too. I keep asking Lee how he would feel about rooming with the 'rents for a while, but he is less than enthusiastic about the idea. "We need more space" he says. Space shmace, I want my mom and dad!

It has been wonderful having her here, she has helped me organize the house, catch up on laundry, and shower on a regular basis. It is truly a gift to have had her with me. I can't be too sad about her going though, her dogs need her, my dad needs her, and I get to have my dad out here in another week. I am spoiled!!

As for other news, I developed a breast infection day before yesterday. I have never had a higher fever in my life, I was up in the 105 range, with chills that would not die and delirium to match. Luckily I got to the doctor right away and the antibiotics are helping the fever go away. I still have a teeny one, but I am no longer freezing and shaking. Ugh. Oddly I learned that cabbage leaves tucked between your breast and bra will help draw out the milk from the plugged duct. Who knew? Cabbage, it's not just for salad anymore.

A lovely day...

Lee and I spent the day organizing the office and clearing up the baby space. Mom kept Otter happy while he slept and we tackled our various tasks. Lee moved furniture down from the old office and organized his space, I packed up my maternity clothes for shipping to Hatchet and organized my space.

After we were done creating a calmer atmosphere in the house, (we are almost at a state of sanity, primarily thanks to my mother doing laundry all week!) Uncle Jack and Aunt Letitia came by to meet the newest member of the Krebs family. Otter ate and slept for most of the time, but he was social for a little while.

We had pizza for dinner, drank beer, and hung out comfortably with the family. Jack and Letitia are staying at a nearby Marriot until Tuesday morning. After they left for the night, we settled in for an evening of "Heroes", snuggles, and nursing! Jack adn Letitia will be back tomorrow for another visit or two before heading home to Virginia Beach. I am hoping we can make it out to see them again this summer, as I would dearly love to spend more time with them and Monkey would love to see her cousins again. (All girls, all under 8.)

Here are some portraits of Sir Otter (Scientific name: Nurse-a-rificus spit-upicus) with his visiting family.
Otter and Nama

Otter and Great Uncle Jack

Otter and Great Aunt Letitia

Mommy knows best...

and when she tells you to relax while she picks up your house, you would be an idiot not to let her!!

We have had a nice time this weekend. Luke, Otter and I had dinner on Sunday night, and my mom and I have hung out, chatted, and gone shopping. She has spent some time organizing and cleaning my house, which is the most wonderful gift. Best of all, she has spent time spoiling Monkey, who needs a little spoiling. She is a much happier child now that Nama is here. After all, I get to spend more time with her too, since there is another set of snuglly arms here to tend the little tyrant.

Today we dropped Luke off at the train station and picked up Shane. He and mom are out having a beer or ten, as he has to return to school tomorrow, but it has been nice to introduce him to his nephew. We spent the afternoon hanging out and chatting, and then he read Monkey a story and off he and mom went!

I am recovering well, though I was too active today. It is hard for me to remember it was only 2 weeks ago when I had an 11 pound baby, and therefore I should take it easy. I feel like cleaning house and walking all over, but I am still at the stage where I pay for too much activity with cramps and increased bleeding. It is a pretty solid reminder to put your feet up, but unfortunately one that reminds you only after you have done too much.

Tomorrow we will get some news on the Vonage front, the next decision in the court case is due in, so Lee and I are little on edge tonight. I wish he didn't have this added stress currently, so he could have some more 'honeymoon' time with his son. They do get a good deal of snuggle time though, Otter is curled up with him as I type!

Otter had his first bath this week, oh boy did he hate that! He spent the whole time scolding me for torturing him!

We are planning a mellow day tomorrow, with Otter and I most resting to make up for too much running around today. Here are some more "life at home" pictures:

Have Nama will Nap:


Mommy and Otter get ready for bed:


The first bath was NOT appreciated:

Yay for Mum!!

My Mom is here!! She arrived early this afternoon and I have already left the house with her for my first post partum walk and coffee!! Otter enjoyed the new stroller (Thank you Vonage! Lee's co-workers pitched in for a gift card to Babies R Us, and with it we bought a stroller, swing, and other neccesities.)

Ah.... basking in the loving glow of mommy... enjoying the ooh's and ahh's over my latest acheivement, the hugs and snuggles, and the happy 5 year old pleased beyond belief to have her Nama back!!

Luke is also here! He arrived late last night! We have a full house of family and friends! Yay!!

A light on the horizon...

We just heard from the hospital, and Lee's Mom is going to be taken off the ventilator today. It seems she has improved enough since our visit that they feel she can breathe on her own.

It is the first step towards a long recovery, but an imminently better place to be than where she was before.

Thank you all for your good thoughts and wishes, we appreciate it.

Nothing has changed...

Since last night, so we are still waiting to see. The nurse on staff with Mom told us that she is being heavily flooded with antibiotics to try and kill the pneumonia, and that we will know in the next 48 hours if she is likely to recover or not. If she is not, Lee will likely go home to see her for a couple of days and I will say here with my legs crossed chanting "not today baby, not today."

Oh I have so many feelings about this. He and I have worked so hard over the last nine months towards this delivery, and him not being there was never really in our plans, but I simply can't get over the feeling that he has to go home and see her if she is not going to recover. If she is, then there is time and he can go see her after the baby is born. Hell, if she is going to recover, we can all go, bring Otter with us, and she can meet him.

The bad news is that it appears she is aspirating on food and drink, so the doctors said she may need a feeding tube placed in her stomach for the rest of her life. Apparently when the system that seperates the food and drink from the lungs breaks down there is no recovery, and therefore being fed via tube is the only remaining option. Niether Lee, her sister, nor I feel she will go for that, so even if she recovers, it may be simply to say goodbye. However, she will be able to make that decision for herself, as it is one that will arise if she recovers, so at least we don't have to risk forcing that on her.

I will keep you posted as we know. Thank you all for your support.

Making lemonade...

When life gives you lemons...

Or as Lee would say, when life kicks you in the nuts.

His mom is in the ICU on life support, I am due in three weeks and have been having contractions off and on for three weeks. I can't fly, he doesn't want to leave me here and fly back home.

Tomorrow we will know if she is likely to recover or not. If she is not, she is also unlikely to be concious and he is uncertain if he wants to risk missing Otter's birth to go say goodbye to his unconcious mother. I wish beyond anything that we could all fly back and say goodbye, but they simply will not let me on a plane. They view me in a light similar to a bomb. I could go off at any moment, spewing baby and whatever else all over the plane.

On the upside, you always find out how wonderful your friends are when this stuff happens, Devon has offered to stay with us and take a crash course in labor partnership in case Lee has to go home and I go into labor while he is away, Monkey offered to help me out in L&D as well. Morgan and Amy offered to keep Monkey while I am in labor, and my mother offered to fly out and stay with me while Lee goes back.

This would all be so much easier if I could go into labor tonight, have the baby, and then send Lee on his way to his mother's bedside tomorrow or the next day.

We are sad. We are angry. I am so upset that she is unwell, that she might be dead before her first grandson is here, when she is so close to meeting him. I am also angry with her, illogically so, for adding this new dimension to our lives in a time that should be filled with anxiety and excitement for the baby, and not really anything else. It is silly I know, but I can't help feeling this way, chock it up to hormones, I only have them as an excuse for another month or so.

Anyway, please send Lee your love, he needs it.

Home is where the heart is...

It's good to be home...

Coming home means so many different things to me. It means seeing friends and family, visiting old haunts, eating actual southwestern mexican food. It also means settling back inside myself.

I get a sense of calm from being in my childhood home, a sense of belonging that is more complete here than anywhere else. It's as if this house has seen all of my life, all the parts of me that have come and gone. The ideas and identities I have tried on and discarded along with those I have kept. This house has borne witness to the events that shaped me. It's walls proclaim my successes, and skillfully fail to mention my failures. It knows me like nothing else.

Coming home to this house is like coming home to me.

This morning Monkey is singing to her Nama in the bathtub upstairs, the washer/dryer is running in the basement, an occasional zipper making a clicking sound against the side of the machine. The furnace is humming a sleepy "wum wum wum", a sound I associate with cold weather and good books. The air is crisp and cold, and the house is quiet. All these sounds come at from the past and present, heard over and over throughout the years, each one a different step in my personal evolution.

Here, in this house that has housed my family for over 30 years, it is easy to be calm and quiet, to settle into the day and wait to see what comes my way. I don't feel the need to go make something happen, I am content to simply be.

In our own house I have the sense that I am still building my "new" life, that nothing is quite settled or certain yet. Is that why I lack the quiet feeling of the house I grew up in? Will my new home feel as settled to me after I have been in it for 30 years or is this feeling available only from walls that have seen me from the beginning? Will my children come home to me when they are grown and feel this sense of completeness? When my parents pass on, will I ever feel it again?

There is something magical about having anything in my life that stays the same. Sitting here at the table I ate thousands of meals at, I listen to the furnace noises and remember curling up in a blanket with my brother over the vents on cold winter days. I remember my mother telling me to put some socks on 'for christ's sake'. I remember countless christmas and easter mornings, sitting on the top landing of the stairs with my brother, listening to the quiet house and the furnace while my parents dressed, eagerly awaiting the bounty below.

It's good to be home.