Nostaligia for pain...

One of the odd side effects of a law degree is that you develop a liking for a certain kind of pain. The stress, expense, and cruelty of three years studying in the Socratic Method becomes comforting to you. You start law school terrified out of your mind only to discover, years later, that you are nostalgic for the unending study hours and heavy workload.

Today we cleaned out the garage and I came across my orientation handbook. Tucked inside was a receipt for my first year books. I still remember going to the bookstore to get those books, expecting to go from row to row grabbing as many used books as I could to reduce my cost. I remember the shock I felt when the clerk steered me to the large stack of pre-packed white moving boxes that contained our books. I remember wondering how I was going to get my box back to the car.

Then I looked down at the total on the receipt, and I remembered paying nearly an 18th of my year's living expense allowance for that box of books.

$708.30.

Sickeningly, I wish I could do it all again.

The great poo of 2007... and a sorrowful exploration of life...

Okay, this post is bi-polar, as are my days most often of late.

The humorous part first, so those not wishing to feel sad can stop reading and retreat back to happyland. (Which is located no where near New Jersey.)

The great poo of 2007 struck full force tonight while I was enjoying an evening coffee with a friend, Tiff. Oliver, who had been poo free all day and was sitting calmly on my knee, suddenly exploded, sending a river of poo out of his diaper, down his leg, onto his shoe, onto my leg, down my leg, and onto the floor. Ick.

At first, unaware of the extent of the damages, I began to perform a quick diaper change in the nearly empty cafe on the chair next to me. (The bathroom has nowhere to change him.) Sadly, there were two factors conspiring against me. The first, Oliver had waited to perform his amazing feat until the cooing, baby friendly family had left the establishment and were replaced by the mean and glaring anti-poo family. Second, the extent of the poo rendered my "quick-change" plans useless.

I retreated to the bathroom and wiped my baby and I off as best I could. Happily, he felt much better, and my "quick-change" attempt had driven off the mad family, so Tiff and I were able to better enjoy the remainder of our coffee.

WARNING: The following contains not happy emotions.

I am struggling with something. I am supposed to sit for the NJ bar in nine days. I have not been able to study for it at all because I have a newborn, a child out of school for the summer, no nearby family, and recently moved.

Normally, these obstacles would be challenges to me, something to soar over and conquer with strength and grace. After all, I took and passed the Colorado Bar while preparing for a move to NJ, recovering from surgery, pregnant, and with my husband in another state. Because of this, many of the people in my life express their belief in my ability to take this bar and do well. I have my doubts.

There are differences between now and then. Fairly important ones. To begin with, the last bar I took after over 2000 hours of study with Nick. We had been at it for 6 months by the time the test came around. We had been at it for over twelve hours a day for the two months immediately preceding the bar. I was living with my parents, who were helping me with Marlena while Lee was in NJ. I had a pile of similarly situated friends around me, with treats and emotional support. I did not have a brand new baby.

Now, I am in NJ, with no family but Lee, and have been here for a year. I have friends, but none of them co-students. I have not been able to study more than about 30 hours. I have not slept longer than 4 or 5 uninterrupted hours in over 3 months. I have lost my previous study partner to drowning, and every time I start to work on the bar, I start to cry. My migraines are returning, I have anxiety attacks, and I have about a tenth of the support network I had before.

I am in the process of adjusting to a new house, a new baby, and a new town, again. I am still living out of boxes. I spend a great deal of time mourning the loss of my friend, my previous life, my days as a law student, and many other things. The rest of the time I care for my children and try not to let my feelings negatively effect them. I try and shop for groceries, get together with my friends, and shower before noon. I try and cook dinner for my family. I try to remember to feed myself.

I have been told I have the baby blues, I have been told all this is to be expected after the death of a dear friend. I have been told I can take the bar and just fail it if I can't study.

Except I can't just fail it. This is an area of my life where I have a bad case of OCD. I have literally bitten and torn my thumbs to pieces stressing out over not doing well on this exam. I have cried in frustration each time I have set a movie on for Marlena, gotten Oliver to sleep, tried to study, and been interrupted by him waking up, or Marlena needing a snack.

I have to hand write the exam, which is next to impossible on a good day because of my lovely RSS and the injuries I suffered when the dogs pulled me over the stroller and dragged me across the yard the other day.

I am at a completely indecisive standstill. I can't win. I feel like a failure if I give up and don't take it, but I will feel like a failure if I take it and don't pass. It is past the time that I can actually study in a real way and assure my passage. Taking it at this point is one big Hail Mary, thrown desperately from deep within my own territory.

So what do I do?

Babies, frogs, and ceramic tile...

Cute baby picture:


Yes, I have found it! The portable baby swing with lights and soft soothing music, the co-workers willing to work with a sling hanging from their shoulders from time to time. The sweet sounds of sleeping infant while working... human companionship, brain activity, and a potential paycheck! It is mommy heaven. The world's best working environment for a new mom.

I have had a great week, I got started on my first grown up lawyer case, got paid for one of the cases I worked on last year, found a place to live for the next year or so, and begun packing the house. Marlena is preparing to finish school, Lee is getting more and more emeshed in his growing role at Vonage, and Oliver is getting used to being at the office with me.

Here is a picture of my first client: the Mississippi Gopher Frog.



Look closely at this sweet creature, because at the time it was designated as Endangered by the Fish and Wildlife Service over 5 years ago, there were only 100 adult frogs left and a commercial site was being constructed less than 700 feet away from their sole remaining breeding site. Sigh.

In other news, we have decided on the new home Lee and I are sharing with Devon for the remainder of the time we are here in the "Garden State". That is assuming that we actually sign the lease and agree to all the terms, but that is pretty much a forgone conclusion. We have been negotiating with the landlord for a week or so now, and are still haggling over a few things, but are ready to accept the house. It is a lovely home, with spanish tile floors, a granit kitchen with a huge island in the center, and bathrooms in each bedroom. We love it. It is in Freehold, near Ellen, just a few blocks from downtown.

I will take pictures and add them to the blog when we are moved in. I am glad to be finished looking for homes, so I can get back to packing. (Okay, I am not glad to get back to packing, but I am glad to be done with finding a home.)

Job opening...

Wanted: Hopeful optimist.
Duties: Remind me that the system works a lot of the time, and that when it doesn't it is better to fight for change, than to rail at the powers that be uselessly. Remind me with newspaper clippings, email alerts, and phone calls that there are others out there fighting to make the system work, and the protect the rights and lives of others.
Compensation: Appreciation and love.

This morning I awoke to a world that doesn't make sense. The legal stuff going on with Vonage indicates to me that our system of patents is broken. It is no longer protecting the creative and intellectual property of innovators so they can see profit from their ideas, but instead is curtailing innovation, and preventing creative thinkers from expanding the technology of our country. It is allowing big business to monopolize markets and drive competitors out of business, not with superior product, but with vaque, overbroad patent filing.

The idea behind the patent was to insure people continue to create and innovate by protecting their work, by limiting those who would profit by it to the innovater and their family for a number of years. It was intended to protect actual inventions and processes. It was not intended to limit innovation in an entire arena.

For example. Milk production. A person or company is not supposed to be able to patent milk production. A machine that produces milk more effectively, or more organically, sure, but not the production of milk itself.

One of the three patents upheld by the court basically allows Verizon ownership of milk production. It is a hugely over broad patent, limiting other businesses from being able to compete in the voice over IP market. Further, it allows Verizon to profit from prior art, in existence without any innovation or creativity on thier part, simply because they filed the patent first. They are using the patent system to monopolize the market, as Vonage has a more well known and less expensive VOIP product that theirs. Instead of innovating and creating a better product than Vonage, Verizon is saying to it's customers and the rest of the country "Don't worry, soon you will only have our paltry VOIP product to choose from, then you won't miss the cheaper, more effective service."

Sadly, when this case first went to trial, I actually thought the factfinders would be able to see that this is not an innovator protecting hard work and creativity, but a massive corporation seeking to drive competition out of the market. They didn't. They upheld the patent. Now hope rests in the appellate court.

Which is why I need a hopeful optimist. Nick held the job prior to his death. He would always remind me why the system generally works, point out the reasons behind the flaws, and encourage me to find a way to fight to correct the system. Unfortunately, he is no longer here to provide that much needed service. Anyone else wish to step up to the plate?

What to expect...

I received this note in my email today, from the helpful "What to Expect" people.

Week 33: Thinking for Two
Each week we'll send you a note to share with the dad-to-be in your life. Pass it on!
She's always been the one who remembered everything (your parents' anniversary, the plans you had for next weekend, the meeting with the accountant you spaced on) and kept track of everything — wasn't she the one with car key radar? But suddenly, you may have noticed, she's the one forgetting meetings and appointments; she's the one who can't find her blue suit (because she didn't remember to pick it up at the cleaners); and she's the one who's turning the house upside down to locate her car keys. Welcome to Pregnancy Brain Fog — another seemingly random symptom triggered by pregnancy hormones. Instead of ragging on her for her forgetfulness, help her cope with it. Search for her keys with her (or better still, put a key collecting bowl at the front door), remember to pick up the dry cleaning so she doesn't have to, and casually mention at breakfast that important meeting she has this afternoon (before it slips her mind).

It's true too, I am suffering from Placenta Brain, forgetting things, misplacing things, generally feeling insane.

My problem? The February Bar Exam. Do you think the PTB's will forgive an incorrect point or two on account of baby brain?

For example: My boss asked me what the burden of proof was for a gender discrimination case. I couldn't answer. Of course, I figured out later it was because Consitutional Analysis has levels of scrutiny, not burdens of proof, but still, it took me five hours to remember intermediate scrutiny!!

It helps that she didn't remember either, and she is not suffering from pregnancy brain, but I won't be able to make it through the exam if it takes me 5 hours to remember something as basic as that.

Sigh.

I am also having nightmares where I do into labor during the exam, an hour away from everyone who is supporting me through said labor. How do I get back home? Do I drive myself home? Do I leave my car in Somerset and call and ambulance? It will be a month early, so it's not really going to happen, but it is certainly irritating that my subconcious has decided to worry about birthing during the bar exam instead of merely failing it.

Anyone have a cure for pregnancy/bar exam induced nightmares from hell?

Bar

I know, two posts in one day, again, but I had to share.

I got my acceptance packet in the mail today and am officially taking the NJ State Bar Exam at the end of this month. I booked the hotel room, I am ready to go.

Luckily the room I found is really nearby, and has a full kitchen, so I can deal with the mad pregnancy issues that will arise at 8 months.

Ugh, I was half hoping they would reject me.

On a happy note, "the show with zefrank" for 2/5 was a really interesting commentary on technological advancement the way people get involved with it. It made me think of all my engineering friends out there. I know you are surfers!! Enjoy!

the show with zefrank: 02-05-07

Also, zefrank mentions Biden's asinine commentary on 2/2, and I found it quite humorous.

the show with zefrank: 02-02-07

Walmart gets the cheap pants sued off of them...

Walmart subject to largest gender discrimination class ever.

Estimated at approximately 1.6 million, the courts have allowed the entire class of women who allege discrimination in pay, promotion, and other benefits from Wal-Mart, also many alleged sexual discrimination.

Wal-Mart attempted to throw out the class action because it will be next to impossible to defend against 1.6 million plaintiffs, the thought of doing so is mind boggling to me, but the court, faced with 1.6 million plaintiffs broken up into smaller cases, stated that size alone did not make the case unmanageable.

Ha! I would like to see the depositions.

I am glad Wal-Mart is being forced to face liability for their gender classification decisions, as the company has been repeatedly slapped on the wrist for failing to promote and pay women at the same rate as men. However, from a logistical point of view, it is next to impossible to successfully defend against such a large group of plaintiffs. Also, the plaintiffs themselves may no recover as much as their individual cases warrant, while those who don't warrant much recovery, may recover more.

It is a clusterf&@k.

A race to the courthouse...

Okay... all you adrenaline junkies out there, become lawyers.

Today we had to file an Answer/Counterclaim/opposition to motion and letter brief, along with the myriad of things that go to the court with these, by 4:30 p.m. in a borough about 45 minutes away that requires filing in person.

We were not as prepared as we had hoped due to a variety of reasons including loss of a paralegal for two weeks, and settlement attempts.

We began our day at 10 a.m. at our desks frantically editing the previous copies we had begun and adding the "legal stuff" to the work while our children played in the next room and occasionally interrupted. (As there was no school for any of us today, the office held three frantic lawyers and two little girls. One of the lawyers entertained and cared for the girls most of the time while we panicked.) Three hours went by in the blink of an eye, (I swear I only blinked once!!) and we began to panic, two hours to finish everything and leave in time to get to the courthouse without having to violate any traffic laws.

Crap... we forgot the certification of service, and we have to add all our changes to the other filings... ha ha HA!!!

Okay, one more hour, call the client, fax him the paperwork for signature, and create a "fax signature certification" for us to sign letting the court know this faxed signature is real.

Call client "We got the fax sent, please review it and sign it immediately and get it back to us!!!"

Client had to "step out" for a few minutes and isn't actually home.

Ha, ha.... HA!! At this point the adrenaline is really beginning to pump and we start chanting "We will never do this again!" (Yeah, like this will never happen again, like there will never again be a time when life conspires to make us race a deadline to it's very last minute.)

3:00.... Boss runs out to get checkbook for filing fee as she left it at home this morning and the court will not take cash.

3:30... Client faxes back papers, I (weeping gratefully) make copies, grab Monkey's toys, ask her to use the potty, get her shoes on.

3:45... we race to the car, Monkey trips and bloodies her ankle on the way, I cart screaming/sobbing child into car seat while Kim carts files and directions. I start car, hand Monkey a lollipop, and head into the traffic zone. We are 45 minutes away, and have to be there in 45 minutes... and have time to file.

Ha, Ha, HA HA!!!!!

We are unable to keep to our original "Not violating traffic codes" portion of the program. We speed. We get lost. AAHHH!! We turn around. We find the courthouse!!

We file the papers with 5 minutes to spare.

Pant pant pant....

Don't try this at home.

Swearing in...

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...



For all those following the long, hard, and relatively tedious process of becoming an attorney, I have finished the final piece, and now, may sue and be sued.

I was sworn in at the Boettcher concert hall with many of my peers on the 23rd of October, 2006. My parents and Monkey were in attendance, though Lee had to stay in NJ to keep the homefires burning.






I doubt there can be a ceremony that truly makes one feel as though the three years of insane study, hundreds of thousands of dollars, months of exam preparation, and months of tense waiting were actually worthwhile. I really only remember the part when the Chief Justice of the Colorado Supreme Court, Mary Mullarky, asked us to repeat after her. However, aspects of the day certainly improved the occasion, and made it memorable.

Nick, my stalwart study partner through the months of hell that were the bar exam, and I stood together during the ceremony. This allowed for his hug to be the first to usher me into the practice of law. Fitting as there would have been far more insanity, and quite possibly less success, if I had not been blessed with him as a study partner.



I got to share a moment with Mark, who helped keep me and Nick on the ball night after night, week after week, while we began to lose the urge to cram in "JUST ONE MORE RULE!!" Thanks for being there!! We did it!



Friends and loved ones came to swear and be sworn, to affirm and reaffirm, and to show more love and support for their newly minted lawyer friends. Eric and Caitlin, Ben and Sanjin, Scott and Sierra, Dara and many more came to share the day with me.





I got a few moments with Paul as well, whom I sat with in most of our law classes, and will miss terribly now that it is all over and I am miles away. Paul, our promises of monthly lunches downtown will have to be postponed until I can get the family back to your neck of the country.



Monkey was so proud she almost cried, but luckily Caitlin was there to keep her entertained, and extra cute.





I got a brief chance to do a victory dance with Jen as well. We shared a room during the exam, and gorged on crab cheese wontons and fried rice at Chan's after each day. Jen!! We did it!! We have a date, after the baby is born, to be in a dark bar until we are on the verge of alcohol poisoning!!! (I still maintain that crabcheese wontons are brain food of the highest order.)



It is over! I am an attorney!! I wish I could say I don't have to do any of this again, but I moved out of Colorado just days after the bar!! Therefore, in February, I take the bar in New Jersey. Sigh. I guess for now, I will sit on my laurels for a few weeks, and bask in the glow of possible litigation.

Passed the bar!!

A brief update, to be followed by many ramblings!

Hello everyone! We are back from our honeymoon, and near our laptops again, so the blogging may commence. I can't wait to tell you all what we did on our adventure!

However, we are packing mom off to Denver today, so I will write on the wedding and honeymoon tomorrow.

However, I wanted to share my news with everyone....

I PASSED THE BAR!!

I am a bona fide licensed attorney!!

It has been a long road, thanks to all who have been on it with me.

I turn on a dime...

I got a job!!!

Yes!! No more cottage industry for me!! I am working for a lawyer!! I get to do legal research and complaint drafting and case analysis and everything! She is going to help me get my license out here, and then she is going to start sending me to court when cases go that far because she hates it!! I am soooo happy!! Ellen connected her to me today and I interviewed with her tonight!!

She handles mainly legal malpractice, but has other cases as well. I start tomorrow!!
My first job as a lawyer!!

Oooh. The best part. The office houses three attorneys, all of whom are moms. They work mom hours, bring their kids in when they need to, work from home when they need to. They have a conference room that has a dvd player, and cable, a microwave, and mini fridge so the kids can relax with a movie while the moms work. I can work as many hours as I wish and this lawmom haven is only 20 minutes away!! She even has nigh unlimited westlaw, so I can research from the office or home, instead of in the library!! I can even work after the baby is born! My career can start! It really can!

Is like I fell asleep on Black's law dictionary and woke up in Utopia!

Well I am off to bed, I start tomorrow and need my sleep!

Smashed like bug

A new carpet!!!

We won!! Sent the letter to the landlord and now we are having all the carpets torn out at no cost to us! Yay!! Even better, they replaced the carpet in the family room yesterday so the house smells better and Monkey has a little play area set up! Finally, no more super bored child at my heels day and night!
I feel better. The whole carpet thing should be done and over by the beginning of next week and we can (finally) move in.

Today Monkey is staying the night at Ellen's while Lee and I go see Kevin Smith and a screening of Clerks. (Not Clerks II). It should be neat. Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash is here in Red Bank, so it makes sense that Kevin Smith would come here for a special event. We are looking forward to it as we both loved that movie. (This may say something unflattering about our personalities but cest la vie.)

This morning we had to go to the ER to get the results of our Saturday throat cultures. They were supposed to call us and tell us the results, but no one had. I called them and they told me HIPPA prevents them from giving our info out over the phone and we had to come in person. (Never mind that I had previously signed a release allowing them to tell me over the phone). So, down to the hospital we go, to the place the person on the phone told me to bring my ID. Except the person there told me I had to go down to records, where they made me fill out another release for each of us and had me wait while they contacted the lab. (Nevermind that the person on the phone has said printouts were already waiting for me.) Finally, we got our records, indicating that no, we do not have strep and we can discontinue the anti-biotics. sigh. This is HIPPA in the extreme. There is no legal reason I should be unable to get my own bloody health records without signing three seperate releases.

However, despite being heavily populated by HIPPA extremists, Red Bank is starting to grow on me. The state of New Jersey is still rife with petty annoyances and difficulties that insure I will not lovingly sigh and call it home for quite some time.

How I long to pump my own gas!! Apparently, there was a bill up to allow New Jersians to pump their own fuel, but one of it's biggest opponents argued that there would be state wide panic because no one here had ever had to pump their own gas before and would have a hard time learning how. (Oh yeah, the 10 seconds it took me to figure out how to pump my gas at 16 when dashing off with my brand new driver's license will break the simple minds of this guy's constituents.) A guy at Lee's work has an interesting plan for combatting this brilliant legislator's argument. He wants to visit gas stations under the cover story that he is traveling across the country, having never left Jersey before, and is terrified he will be unable to pump his own gas. He plans on asking all the station attendants he can find to "teach" him how. If nothing else, it should be an entertaining blog to read when all said and done.

For all you law geeks: Is a law restricting citizens from learning how to pump their own fuel an unreasonable limitation on interstate commerce? Is this terror of self-pumping chilling New Jersians right to travel freely among the other states?

I know, too much time and too little law make Scylla go something, something.

More tomorrow,

Denver Girl signing out.

It's just another manic Saturday?

Monkey has strep throat! Yes indeedy. She chose the 8 day period of time where we are not in Colorado, yet still insured by Colorado companies, to get ill. Yay! So, we end up at the relatively efficient emergency room waiting for most of our Saturday afternoon. I had them check me out too, and let me tell you! Getting two people with two seperate names and two seperate insurances registered is a pain in the A*$!!

But we were seen and medicated, so we are on the mend.

On the house side... Our landlord is dealing in bad faith with us and I want to smash him like bug!!
Many of you may have heard about the carpets. For those who haven't, here is a summation. When we moved in the carpets reeked of cigarette smoke and animal urine. We called the landlords, who arrived in person to talk about it three days later. They stated clearly and unequivocally that they were always intending to replace the carpets, and the guy, John assured me that rather than make us pay to remove them, he and his son in law would remove them personally that week.

Nearly a month later, we have cigarette smelling, animal pee carpets.

Even worse, he stopped by the other day and asked me if we were paying to remove the carpets!! I find out from Lee that he had asked him the same thing several days before, and got a strident NO!! So why is he asking me? Why? Luckily, all I said was "we can talk later." And he said, "yeah, we can work something out."

Now I am furious, he is dealing in bad faith. I am going to research like mad to discover all I can about NJ law and renting, so I can smash him like bug. This is crap.

So he is coming Monday with the guy from Lowes to handle the Family room carpets, and I am going to hand him a letter informing him that he is acting in bad faith, not honoring his previous agreement with us, failing to repair the premises in the required reasonable time, and that I will be hiring someone to remove them, and will deduct the cost from the rent. Then I will see what he does, but I would feel very comfortable fighting his two-faced butt in court right now, so I really don't think he will say anything.

Argh!! Send me strength! Send me calm! And if you are a law school friend, send me statutes and cases that will support or harm my position!!

Your Denver Girl, rolling up her sleeves and getting ready to fling some cow patties.